Look To the Hills (Chapter 1) pt. 4

The question was not how but when. I knew perfectly well that I needed to brave up and pull open the glass door, inquire at the front desk where Mrs. Hobbs in the admissions department was located in the building, and scout her out. But was I ready to make this step? My portfolio & 5 years of independent study would direct me to suppose I was... but was i mentally ready for this next step?

"Do you trust me?" It hit me like lightning. "Uh..." I hesitated, taken aback by His voice. "Do you trust me?" He repeated His question. "Yea, Lord.... sometimes I guess" I whispered under my breathe. Although I thought quietly to myself that I tended to only trust Him when it was convenient or easy or when I felt like it... "Do you dare not to trust me?" He asked with such intensity that I immediately felt conviction well up inside my soul... "No" I thought to myself.... No I definitely do not dare, to not trust you.

I briskly grabbed the entrance door and stepped into the grandiose lobby.

Look to the Hills (Chapter 1) pt. 3

As I approached the overbearing brick framework my thoughts ran about me. Wild & untamed they questioned my sanity for reaching this far. How could i do this? Why am I doing this? Doubt crept into my mind as I paced the exterior entrance, unable to make the next steps forward, through the doors, down the hall, to the admissions office. Oh heavens! That seemed far too far away. 

Fear had a heavy hand upon my person.... I was afraid of being disappointed, again, being rejected, unwanted. That seemed to define my life thus far, and for as long as I can remember I've strived for something better, more. Acceptance, acknowledgement someone who could see my dreams and help me fulfill them, these were the things I longed to find at Thorton University, but would I find them here?

Look to The Hills (Chapter 1) Second Section

The air was so crisp and clear, the sky whimsical and soft, my imagination whirling with excitement. I decided to give myself a moment to take it all in, so I placed my bags by my feet. Slowly I surveyed my destination. Six or more finely built brick buildings, which must have been the living quarters, were smartly laid out in a semi circle around a large fountain that seemed to be the central part of the Campus. Down the hill not too far from where I stood I noted more buildings two of which were grandeur in size, being nearly 6 stories high, they topped the rest of the buildings by a good 3 stories. Sitting adjacent to the larger buildings sat a small white church & yet still one more building with high arches & Glass windows that I supposed gave a lovely view of the entire University. 

I picked up my bags and decided to walk down the hill in hopes of finding where I was to check in. 

Look to the Hills-(Chapter I) a work in progress

If ever there had been a day that I would remember with tender affection it would be that day I found myself far away from home, in a foreign place, with unfamiliar people. I had by chance the year past found myself in a similar situation that I now found myself. In a small remote town I had never even heard of. The town was of little importance or significance or stature with no real predominate attractions it was located rather remotely between the rolling farm lands of Wheat & Corn. Nearly sixty miles away from Baltimore, Maryland is where i started my quest. It seemed an eternity to arrive as I eagerly waited with each passing turn the bus took to see our exit. As it finally came into view I watched the sun hit the ridges of the ever green hills that rolled around us. I took a breath, beautiful. My heart rate quickened as we progressed to the top of the hill. In a moment I knew that all would be revealed. Whatever lay below would play a key factor into where my life's road would lead. The hill peaked & there lay the beloved destination. "Home", I sighed. 

I quickly grabbed my sketchbook off of the empty seat next to me and carefully placed it along with the other equipment into the front sleeve of my briefcase, then stepped into the aisle and waited patiently for the other riders to exit. As I walked down the steps I turned to thank the driver and lifted my head as if to embrace a challenge, and stepped out to meet the curb.

The Blogger Challenge

Here is a cut and paste list of Christmas Questions I was challenged to answer. I don't know why I like these things, I'm sorry I know most of you find it to be lame.. but I think its fun & insightful!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper! I love to make my gifts look neat, plus I don't like that others can peek in bags, I'm big on surprises. Give me wrapping paper and LOTS of tape!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real, the more fresh the better. I like to smell the beautiful pine. It gives a house a more Christmasy vibe, its crisp & homey.

3. When do you put up the tree? We try to put our tree up either right after Thanksgiving or a week after.

4. When do you take the tree down? Usually by early January.. the tree usually looks rather wilted around then, and its nice to get everything back to normal.

5. Do you like eggnog? I honestly think its disgusting, never again will I drink it!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My Roller Blades. I spent hours upon hours on our closed in back porch pretending to be a professional ice-skater. Best gift ever.

7. Hardest person to buy for? My Mom. Don't ask me why... I have no clue, perhaps because I want her to be able to use what I buy for her and like what I bought for her. We also have contrasting styles.. so perhaps I'm daunted by the idea of picking out something I don't like that I hope she likes? or that I like that I hope she might like even though she doesn't normally? hah (She is the most grateful person in the world when receiving gifts, and she is not picky, I just happen to be picky for her. hah!)

8. Easiest person to buy for? My brothers. Easy. They always want me to buy them nifty clothes, and that is SO fun and easy for me to do!

9. Do you have a nativity scene? We have several one larger and one little wooden one.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? MAIL! So much more personal, its something you can hold onto and have displayed in your house, on your frig... It means so much more to me if sent via mail. Much more thought goes into that.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A barbie. (4 years ago) What were they thinking?!!! Who knows. haha! I smiled and said thank you and gave them a hug, its the thought that counts!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Its a Wonderful Life. The best Christmas movie :)

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I tend to start and end my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. I don't much care for the mad rush of people and untidily arranged stores.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No, but there are several I could have. Oh how I love white Elephant gift exchanges! ;)

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? A good cup of coffee and a homemade cinnamon bun.

16. Lights on the tree? Of course! I prefer white lights to colored lighting. Its more traditional & clean.

17. Favorite Christmas song? O Come O Come Emanuel.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home. :) stay in your night clothes until dinner. Then dress up.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Downer, Blitzen and Rudolf. (Who came up with these names anyways?)

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have an angel. But I'm not opposed to having a star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning when everyone else is awake.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Impatient customers. I used to work in retail and I had a love/hate relationship with this time of the year in the stores. There are those people who are so sweet and accommodating and happy, then on the flip side those who you can't do anything right for... I can understand how shopping in a hectic climate all day can help to bring you to that state.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Our tree right now each ornament means something and has a little story to tell. :) I love this idea. I think I would myself go with a golden theme. Who knows. I can't wait to have my own house and family one day to come up with ideas for!

24. Favorite dessert for Christmas dinner? Nothing! Apple Cider?

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A relaxed wonderful fellowship time with perhaps a few games of cards?! :)

26. Any special Christmas traditions? WE have something called the "Christmas Angel" that comes to visit us on the three days before Christmas. The Christmas Angel always leaves a Christmas book for us to read and we always read it on Christmas night together. On Christmas Eve, we go to a candlelight service together as a family, come home eat a meal called shepherd's pie and all of us kids sleep in the same room and stay up late watching movies together. Then in the morning we can't go look or get our stockings until 6 am (we are normally wakened by the two little ones). We have to wait until 7 to open our presents with our whole family. We start with the youngest and work up to the oldest and open one gift at a time. I believe that this has instilled in us greater gratitude and an enjoyment of others receiving. I'm thankful for my parents leadership in this area! Every Christmas night (of course we have a fun dinner all together with my family also) we watch Jesus of Nazareth the first half of the movie of Jesus' birth together and have a discussion about what the movie means to us, and what it was trying to communicate. We like to have a time of worship also. 

Basically I have an amazing family, filled with fun & beautiful traditions. Christmas time for us have never been about receiving its always been about giving away, like Christ. Although some of my siblings are unable to give gifts because of finances they have always given of themselves in other significant and beautiful ways. In past years they have created services coupon books for family members entitling us to things like: One free I'll make you bed day, or.... One free clean up your room.... or one coffee date out with your brother. Sometimes these are far more special to me. I love their hearts to serve!

Memories

As a family tradition we always have a time where we each are able to share one special memory of those whose birthday it is. Tonight it was my Grandpa's birthday (G.P.) and since it was his special night we were able to share some of our favorite memories of him, and it got me to thinking... I really should post some of those things (since I'm prone to forget). :)

Some of my favorite memories of G.P. are when he took my cousin Katie & I on a camping trip in the "Griz" his R.V. that had a miniature statue of a grizzly bear on the dashboard. Unlike when he took the boy who went to Alaska we went right around the bend in Florida not 2 hours from where we lived. You would think we'd be bummed out by this idea, nope I think we may have been far more excited than the boys. A whole weekend with just Gram & Geep and ourselves. Glorious. We did everything from help navigate with the compass in the front seat of the Griz to help set up the overhang and hook up the R.V. to the Lot. One of my favorite weekends thats for sure.

G.P. & Gram also used to own a Self-Storage Rental place. I adored going over to visit them. They had this wonderful little garden in the back of their "house" and I used to spend hours playing make-believe. Me and my cousins used to play hide-and-go-seek in the Self-Storage buildings in the dark and would "tag people" with the light of the flash lights we would carry. We never wanted to stop playing that game. Sometimes G.P. & Gram would let Katie and I play "office" in the real office when visitors were not in, or the office was closed and G.P. would load us up with some old notebooks, calculators & pens. We used to pretend that we were helping people find, locate & purchase flights and help answer questions like the people at the airports do. :) While we were hard at work G.P. would get us two cups of ice cold Cranberry Juice & a napkin full of cheese-its. Till this day this is still one of our favorite snacks. G.P. really was the one that taught me how to drive, and helped distill in me a love for it. The day I turned 11 I was allowed to drive the golf cart all by myself to and fro around the mini storage. I spent hours upon hours parking in spare lots and backing out. He used to ride around with me and taught me about the right of way, yielding and all those valuable lessons.

They also used to own this house that my Aunt & Uncle & Cousins lived in. This house was so wonderful. I adore it. It had a beautiful back yard, & super cool pool with a rock fountain that leaks into it and a jacuzzi tub. I spent a lot of time in the pool... oh the memories! There was a lot next door that Katie & I used to explore, we thought there were gators there and would run and walk in zig-zagged lines just in case. Sometimes we would plan out what our line of action would be just in case a gator attacked us. We always did have wild imaginations. :)

G.P. also owned this canoe that he would allow us to take on the small lake behind their house. We tried to make fishing pools out of sticks and wire and a paperclip we sharpened with our pocket Knives. (haha) We would bait the "hooks" with bread and or little worms we dug up in the backyard. Needless to say we never caught anything. But we always had a grand time at it!

Past the little lake there was a park with a really cool board walk, we used to take walks or ride our bikes down there every week. I love that place.

G.P. was always big on NASA and watching the space shuttle or rockets being launched and Descending. We'd wake up at the crack of dawn to go and watch them boom their way into space, and he'd always stop by some restaurant on the way home to grab his cup of black & bitter coffee and either a good biscuit or a white powdered donut.

When Gram's mom died we had a funeral on the beach and tossed her remainings into the ocean "her love", then we sang a song. "There is a Day" We wept together, but G.P. wept the loudest. Till this day this still happens to be his favorite song, and every time He sings it, He weeps. (I love this about Him)

Episode- Fighting for Faith

For those of you who do not know... 4 months ago I had major reconstructive knee surgery on my right knee for a severed ACL. They did something called a hamstring graft. I have, by God's great mercy and beautiful grace healed miraculously faster than 90% of the average patient. What would normally be a 9-12 month recovery process has been for me only a 5-6 month recovery process. Thanks to being physically fit, having a pretty healthy functioning body, & a Strong will & lots of stubborn determination, I have been on a quick mend. God has been far more than good to me! Yet, as my knee has healed, I have unfortunately found I have some problem with my blood sugar & hemoglobin levels. 

Today was the second day that I have almost passed out during physical therapy. Basically I started a heavier load of reps and weights today and was almost hospitalized as my body was going into traumatic shock and I couldn't control myself from shaking. I was sweating profusely, and could barely keep myself from collapsing. The nurses had to come and check my blood level & blood pressure and were very concerned about the results. I am unable to continue with my physical therapy until my doctors have helped to level out and figure out what exactly is wrong with me. 

I am fighting for faith. This is just another trial for me, piled up on a whole huge pile of trials. I am fighting to understand, to see the grander picture. I just feel like as I'm finally "hearing" from God, finally getting "back to normal" something happens that hampers me from moving onward. My heart asks questions like: "Lord, what more do you want to teach me?" I want so badly to already "have learned" what He wants to teach me. I am so tired of trials. But I know that through them my Father is sculpting me into someone who is fit to be His Bride. I have seen so much good from the past trials, and I have learned to love and cherish those lessons and hard things He has taught me through them. He is drawling me closer to Himself. I want to learn to love the trials that He brings, its just Him saying He wants all of me, one-on-one, my full focus. I want to give it to Him.

I am Yours, Save Me.

You'd think I'd be worried about what steps follow after these. 

I would have assumed that much in my past, but no more.

Assurance, I tread on. Peace, I daydream unendingly of what is to be,

what I am, Eternity, my head rests. Sorrow that once purged my 

soul of joy has released my heart from the chains that bound it, I 

am free. Freedom is the song of my lips. As the chains fell, chills ran

through my veins, my heart leapt as if it beat for the first time. 

My chest heaved I breathed afresh, anew, for the first.

I take it all in, I am filled, and still there is boundlessness.

Overshadowed, fallen over, I am masked by my maker, and

stored in a crested place of gold & etched glass. As if He were

to say, "My Treasure of Great & Valuable Worth". His eyes meet

mine, light reflects off my person, and scatters hitting various 

objects that once seemed nonexistent, they are revealed. 

Caught in between living a dream & Waking in Hell. They know 

who they are. Shame & Misery stricken their souls, they see 

the true colors of short comings. Fallen. The light reflected warms 

the soil under their feet. They feel pleasure. He is delighted & They

are broken. Shadows fall from His presence. With a whisper it

gently find them and takes them up. They are owned. Veiled.

Protected. Adored. They are now added to the highest places.

Neighbors. Living with the same focus. "Beauty that made this Heart 

adore you" and Beauty that loved me first, housing me, using me.

I know not where I walk, but I walk with confidence that I am Christ's,

and where I go there He is also. Being used instrumentally building 

His Kingdom. What a Jewel of a Mission!

Fail.

A Series of pretty stinkin' amazingly funny videos that even your grandma will enjoy. literally. Check it out, you'll thank me later.

http://failblog.com/2008/08/21/drainage-fail/

http://failblog.com/2008/09/16/biological-fail/

http://failblog.com/2008/08/13/honking-fail/

A Step Back Into Kindergarden

Elyse M. Fitzpatrick wrote the following in the introductory part of her book: Because He Loves Me, which is primarily focused on specifics of God's abundant ever-flowing Love for us.

"Among those who would classify themselves as serious Christians, who study the Bible and want to Please God, my guess is that the thought of revisiting the gospel seems like a step back into kindergarten.....In your pursuit of godliness, have you left Jesus behind?... What does His transforming Love mean to you today? Are you more focused on your performance for him or his for you? At the end of the day is there a rest in your soul because of him or is there guilt and a determination that tomorrow your going to "do better? Do you still need to prove your not "all that bad"? Do you get angry when people criticize you or ignore you? You know that Jesus is the door. Do you see how He is your life? Could you tell me how exactly how he has changed your life?"

Earlier in the introductory she asked a great question that I hope to better answer after I finish reading this book:

"Where did the ongoing incarnation of Jesus Christ intersect with your life yesterday?"

My mom and I are planning to go through a study together of this book, and I can not wait to get started, I've put this book off for far too long and now I'm ready to jump into the pages and soak it in! Going "back to the basics", the centrality of my belief, and letting God speak afresh to me of His overwhelming love for me, I know i will be blown away once again. I need to be reminded of His love, I tend to focus as Ms. Fitzpatrick put it above, "on my performance for him.." more often than I focus "on his for me.".

Voluntary & Involuntary Isolation

Tonight at my amazing Care Group (lead By Scott & Kim Thomas) we were discussing & reviewing this past Sunday's Message, Encountering Emmanuel--Mary's Encounter. And we began to discuss various things about her response to the angel, to God, and to those around her. Here are some of the things we were thinking about Her response to what the Lord spoke to her:

1. When she was told she was to conceive a child through the work of the holy spirit, she asks the question "How Lord can this be done since I am a virgin?". We paralleled her response with that of Zacharius, for didn't He ask almost the same thing? The difference was Mary was not asking questioning God's power, she was asking out of curiosity and a desire for knowledge, where as Zacharius felt like he needed more proof than an angel telling him it would be so, he wanted a sign. Also it clearly states..."he did not believe". 

2. When she was told these things from the angel she had no one to confide in, who would believe her? Would her family disown her? The first person she was able to confide in was her much older cousin Mary who God directed her to travel to meet with.

3. Not once during all these first few months of her pregnancy did she doubt God, and wasn't it kind of God to bring people like Mary to prove that God did have his hand on this, that He was using her for a greater plan?

It was fascinating being able to dig deep together, oh how I LOVE my HUGE & wonderful care group! (We have nearly 30 people, hah yeah... a lot)

Later Scott directed us towards a time of prayer and mentioned two areas he felt like we were supposed to pray for, for those in our group. He mentioned those who desire to follow God with greater faith, who get distracted, and those who have voluntarily or involuntarily secluded themselves from the body of Christ.... Those who wanted prayer lifted their hands, and I lifted mine.

I explained to the group that unlike most who had already "explained" before me, I was not an either or, I was struggling with both voluntary and involuntary seclusion of the Body of Christ. Involuntarily seclusion started with my knee injury at the Clash it put me in a position to where I was having to pull back from relationships due to my pretty banged up state. It happened to be a good thing, because God at the time was convicting me of how much I been relying on others faith and not really living my own faith. God also was revealing to me that I believed I was defined by my "friends" that I NEED those friendships because they "are apart of me". He through this whole trial stripped me down to nothing and gentle spoke to me "No, I define you.". I had made these friendships idols in my life. Although God was doing good and great things in my heart and life through this injury as time progressed and I began to heal instead of plugging back into older relationship to serve & love & care for others I became complacent and lazy. I realized that "that friendship stuff with those particular people...thats hard work... and I don't think I'm up for hard... so I'll just stay at home... be with my family... stick with my closest friends... I mean I've been hurt in the past by those other friendships, so whats the point of me trying anyhow? I feel content and happy where I am right now..."

My heart was not to serve, but to be served I had become very self-focused, and as I was confessing this I realized there was more that God was after in my own heart,  I began to share with them about how my past dispute with two other girls in our College Ministry took place over the issue Biblical Feminity, although it had been "resolved" I had still held some embitterment towards one of the girls and it wasn't until tonight that I truly began to see this issue fully. 

Ruth Ballard, my dear sweet friend Mandy, Alan Ballard & Randy McDowell (aka Uncle Randy) prayed over me. And out of the Blue Alan Ballard shares this picture he has for me which would have seemed completely random, but fit so perfectly in God's plan for me tonight. The picture was this: It was me  embracing 3 younger teen girls extending love and care, being an example to them, I had a heart to serve and building them up in the things of the Lord. 

I began to weep.

Let me explain why. The Lord has given me a true heart for the youth of this nation, in this world. I have such faith for them to grow, I love to serve them, to be apart of their lives. While he shared this picture with me, God spoke to me, "You love my children, yet you do not LOVE my children." I understood. I forgot that Those two girls I was hurt by, they are God's children. How can I love youth & not LOVE them?! I had in my heart and mind written them off of "God's children's list" I had condemned them to Hell. Where was my compassion my love for God's children? Why was it so hard for me to overlook their wrongs when I have wronged so many? 

God softened my heart tonight, I confessed my sin, I desire true repentance, true reconciliation. I can not wait to talk to these friends who I have kept away from for so long, because it was "too much work". Tonight I feel a burden has been lifted, my Savior is carrying it tonight.

Song Writing Craze

These past couple of weeks I have been focusing on this particular exhortation of Scripture:

2 Timothy 4: 1-5

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is the judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and they will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry."

Honestly I find this passage to be so completely rich, there is much to  "take out"  and dissect. Obviously there is an encouragement to be "doers" and studiers of the word.... "preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort with COMPLETE patience and teaching."  and not merely "believers" or hearers. We also find a contrast between two individuals one who lives the calling and one who strays and pursues "their own passions...and turn away from....the truth and wander...". 

Over these past two weeks of meditation and prayer I began to write a song during my quiet time one morning, and bequeathed it: "The Charge of Christ". I believe God's desire through this song was to encourage us to be even more "Christ-like" in our pursuit of preaching the Gospel through our lives, displaying itself more specifically with how we forbear with others believers and non-believers alike, through our humility and our service oriented hearts, showing compassion and love to those who do not love, suffering with those who suffer, extending grace to those who extend none themselves. I know that the Lord is wanting this for me, and is a daily battle to fight against my own selfish desires and my own proud heart. In my flesh, handing over my life to Christ is humiliating, it takes me out of "my zone", I am  WAY uncomfortable with being "out of control" of things. Pride, more specifically, Fear of Man is a BIG one for me, and is something that God is desiring to break down in my life, and he has piece by piece and at times bolder by bolder. I am so grateful! This song is a simple exhortation to allow God to take another piece out of that wall (whatever it may be, your lack of faith, Pride, Fear of Man, Fear of lack of knowledge...) so that you are less hindered with yourself and can be used as greater instruments in building up the Kingdom of God!

Charge of Christ (copywrited)

written by: Courtney Cooke

I charge you with Christ,

In the presence of my Lord I

 call you to live like you've died.

And I charge you with Faith 

To stand firm to stand in place.

And i charge you with Love

to hold onto those who hate his ways, oh

And I charge you with Mercy

to give to those who hate the cross

Be like Christ, Be like Christ

Be like Christ, Be like your Savior

Give your life, Take up the Cross

Be like Christ, Be like Christ

I charge you to suffer with those who suffer

and cry the tears of life, of life with them

and I charge you to grace to extend in abundance 

showing love through His name

Be like Christ, Be like Him

Be Like Christ, Be like your Savior

OH! Give you life, and take up the Cross

Be like Christ, Be like Christ

Highlights for 2008

Emma's 4 Year Old Birthday Party With Her Best Little Budies!



The Clash! :)



A Brisk Winter Night With a Best Friend!

Relativism, Religion, And Obama's Views

A friend of mine just recently posted this writing on her facebook and I thought it was insightful, please read and form your own opinions, not basing it upon a relativistic idea but the word of God.

My own personal conclusion came to this simplistic idea: Relativism has indeed become a religious idea in our country. I would say even those who say they are not religious tend to express their views on life with this "idea". It is a scary ground on which we tread. For relativism is embracing our own personal views and "feelings" as truth, we in turn become our own god, dictating what is and what is not by our own standard of morality and thought. I would pose that this type of living would then call into question our purpose in life as human beings, why are we living? What are we living for?

Here is her post:

"Today I read an article at ChristianityToday.com entitled, "Obama's Fascinating Interview with Cathleen Falsani." You can read it in full here: http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctpolitics/2008/11/obamas_fascinat.html It features an interview that was done back in March of 2004 on the subject of Obama's spirituality.

I offer my commentary on several quotes from the interview because I believe it is important that we take a closer look at what Obama is truly saying.

In this day there are many things we are fighting to protect in our country -- the definition of marriage, the sanctity of life, our rights to free speech, and all the other Christian values that make our nation great. For it is a beloved nation.

But first and foremost among these, and foundational to all of them, is -- must be -- how we perceive God. The definition of marriage is important to us because we know how sacred it is in God's Eyes -- it is an earthly symbol of the Church's union with Him as His beloved, pure, faithful Bride. The treasure of life that is each created human being is important to us because we believe that man was created in the image of God -- that he is the living handiwork of God, fashioned with Love, breathed into with the Breath of life, and formed heart and soul to know and embrace God and to bring Him joy. Our view of each issue rests on and is molded by our view of God.

So as you read my notes, I ask you to consider what is happening in our nation. I ask you to consider, how is God being perceived? And what do the people believe a Christian believes? What do we accept as Christianity? Because if it is not what Jesus revealed to us, I believe it is worthless. I believe it is not saving. I believe it is not truth.

Frankly, the "in" thing right now is for Christians to speak about the good points in Obama's policies and beliefs and to pray that he will have wisdom and will succeed. I beg of you to tell me why we are doing this. If Hitler were taking power of our country would we commend him for his numerous apparently good youth programs that keep kids off the street? Would we commend a few aspects of his initial professed "christian" belief in God? If a dangerous man broke in to your house and was within reach of harming your little children, would you pray that he would have wisdom and would succeed in wielding control? Obama gained his rule illegally -- through lies, deception, and corrupt dealings and funding. How is it different?

Friends, I encourage you to stand out from the crowd. I am not saying to ignore the good things -- or to not pray for this man. But I am urging you to what I believe most important; speak the truth, pray for the children. You can align yourself with those advancing evil in the ways you agree and seek common ground. But righteousness does not win that way. We cannot fully love the children that way. Freedom does not remain real under those conditions. Good never truly claims victory when there is compromise. And we must seek victory. Or children will perish.

You see, I wondered after reading this interview and thinking on how this man has been voted president-elect by this nation's people, what would this once beautiful America's founding fathers think if they could see it all now -- oh how they wanted it to be a nation under God's rule and reign, a righteous nation of justice and principle and freedom for all! And then I thought of them up in Heaven. And I realized that from that perspective, and with such love for the dream they saw, like God, they would probably have to turn their heads away, and just weep.

Friends, we must act. Let your love for this country, for its people, be known by your efforts to save her, to rescue them from the slippery slope they are headed down. Pray for Obama as he rules, if you must; but neglect not to pray with all your hearts for those sentenced to destruction or death by his rule. For they are many. They are young. And few will survive without your help.

Stand for true Christianity. Speak of it. Defend it with your life, your aspirations, your success, your reputation laid on the altar. Live it.

Let your love be known. For Jesus. For the children. For America.

+ + +

FALSANI:
What do you believe?

OBAMA:
I am a Christian.

...I'd say, probably, intellectually I've drawn as much from Judaism as any other faith. So, I'm rooted in the Christian tradition. I believe that there are many paths to the same place...

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'"
John 14:6

Can one say they are "rooted in the Christian tradition" who does not believe the words Jesus spoke to be truth?

FALSANI:
Have you always been a Christian?

OBAMA:
I was raised more by my mother and my mother was Christian.

This answer strikes me as strange. But the question, too. No one has ever "always" been a Christian.

OBAMA:
...I'm a big believer in tolerance. I think that religion at its best comes with a big dose of doubt.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."
Hebrews 11:6

FALSANI:
Do you pray often?

OBAMA:
Uh, yeah, I guess I do.

It's not formal, me getting on my knees. I think I have an ongoing conversation with God. I think throughout the day, I'm constantly asking myself questions about what I'm doing, why am I doing it. ...

And so, the biggest challenge, I think, is always maintaining your moral compass. Those are the conversations I'm having internally. I'm measuring my actions against that inner voice that for me at least is audible, is active, it tells me where I think I'm on track and where I think I'm off track.

: : :

FALSANI:
Have you read the Bible?

OBAMA:
Absolutely.

I read it not as regularly as I would like. These days I don't have much time for reading or reflection, period.

FALSANI:
Do you try to take some time for whatever, meditation prayer reading?

OBAMA:
I'll be honest with you, I used to all the time, in a fairly disciplined way. But during the course of this campaign, I don't. And I probably need to and would like to, but that's where that internal monologue, or dialogue I think supplants my opportunity to read and reflect in a structured way these days.

"We need to constantly challenge our accustomed behaviors in the light of the Gospel. We may say that we are following our conscience, but are we informing our consciences with the truth about these issues?"
-Bishop Robert Hermann

Obama talks about an "inner voice" telling him what is right and wrong. He seems to call conversing with that voice an "ongoing conversation with God." And this has replaced (literally replaced) being informed with God's truth in Scripture. This is frightening to me.

FALSANI:
Who's Jesus to you?

(He laughs nervously)

OBAMA:
Right.

Jesus is an historical figure for me, and he's also a bridge between God and man, in the Christian faith, and one that I think is powerful precisely because he serves as that means of us reaching something higher.

And he's also a wonderful teacher. I think it's important for all of us, of whatever faith, to have teachers in the flesh and also teachers in history.

Is Jesus "powerful" to you because "he serves as that means of us reaching something higher"? Or is the Son of God who died for your sins -- who died in your place -- something more powerful in your life? I'm not criticizing Obama's lack of passion in speaking of Jesus. But I am concerned that he speaks of Jesus as if He is some sort of stepping stone. And then I'm not sure what he's saying with the last line of his comment, but it doesn't sound like he's talking about the One and only person by whom we might be saved -- the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

FALSANI:
Do you have people in your life that you look to for guidance?

OBAMA:
Well, my pastor [Jeremiah Wright] is certainly someone who I have an enormous amount of respect for.

I have a number of friends who are ministers. Reverend Meeks is a close friend and colleague of mine in the state Senate. Father Michael Pfleger is a dear friend, and somebody I interact with closely.

I'm not even going to comment on that.

OBAMA:
... This is something that I'm sure I'd have serious debates with my fellow Christians about. I think that the difficult thing about any religion, including Christianity, is that at some level there is a call to evangelize and prostelytize. There's the belief, certainly in some quarters, that people haven't embraced Jesus Christ as their personal savior that they're going to hell.

FALSANI:
You don't believe that?

OBAMA:
I find it hard to believe that my God would consign four-fifths of the world to hell.

I can't imagine that my God would allow some little Hindu kid in India who never interacts with the Christian faith to somehow burn for all eternity.

That's just not part of my religious makeup.

I'm curious, if he believes this, then why claim association with any form of Christianity?

FALSANI:
Do you believe in heaven?

OBAMA:
Do I believe in the harps and clouds and wings?

FALSANI:
A place spiritually you go to after you die?

OBAMA:
What I believe in is that if I live my life as well as I can, that I will be rewarded. I don't presume to have knowledge of what happens after I die. But I feel very strongly that whether the reward is in the here and now or in the hereafter, the aligning myself to my faith and my values is a good thing.

When I tuck in my daughters at night and I feel like I've been a good father to them, and I see in them that I am transferring values that I got from my mother and that they're kind people and that they're honest people, and they're curious people, that's a little piece of heaven.

FALSANI:
Do you believe in sin?

OBAMA:
Yes.

FALSANI:
What is sin?

OBAMA:
Being out of alignment with my values.

Out of alignment with his values? So being pro-life is a sin in his mind? Speaking about conservative values is a sin? No wonder he wants to pass the Fairness Doctrine and the Freedom of Choice Act. How relative is law becoming.

FALSANI:
What happens if you have sin in your life?

OBAMA:
I think it's the same thing as the question about heaven. In the same way that if I'm true to myself and my faith that that is its own reward, when I'm not true to it, it's its own punishment.

Six words: He has no fear of God.

OBAMA:
Alongside my own deep personal faith, I am a follower, as well, of our civic religion. I am a big believer in the separation of church and state.

... I'm very suspicious of religious certainty expressing itself in politics.

Does that mean he is suspicious of the Ten Commandments? Or our country's founding documents -- that spoke with certainty of God's Sovereignty? Of the founding fathers reasons for believing that we each have inalienable rights? Of Christians believing there is absolute right and absolute wrong in God's Eyes concerning the murdering of the unborn?

FALSANI:
Do you ever have people who know you're a Christian question a particular stance you take on an issue, how can you be a Christian and ...

OBAMA:
Like the right to choose.

I haven't been challenged in those direct ways. And to that extent, I give the public a lot of credit. I'm always struck by how much common sense the American people have. They get confused sometimes, watch FoxNews or listen to talk radio. That's dangerous sometimes. But generally, Americans are tolerant...

Even with how "tolerant" he sounds, I'm concerned with how he will try to handle these "dangerous" and "confusing" influences in the coming days."

Clarification

Just to bring some clarification to my last post, I neither wrote this work to provoke argument, nor bring greater division, nor to remotely speak out against Obama (which if you re-read my post I think you will see that I never once mentioned the election nor any candidate, so please do not assume) . My primary focus in my note was to describe to my fellow believers what I am only now beginning to fully grasp, and that which, the election has helped to bring to light personally, individually to me, We have great work to do.

The election was not the beginning of this great evil I see in our country, it started thousands of years ago, and it is still the same thing. Sin. But what I thought I had communicated fairly clearly was the fact that we as believers have been content to do little things instead of great things. We have been content to live in comfort instead of doing "Hard things". We have been content with sitting in the shadows instead of spreading "the light of the Gospel".

I believe that God will use Obama despite what we may agree and or disagree with him on. I know I am called to respect his position over me as an authority that the Lord has placed in my life, and I know that the Lord is sovereign over all things. So I do respect Obama, and I will pray for him, and I will continue to put my faith & trust in God alone, and not in man or man's so often contradicting opinions and belief systems that fail time & time again.

I believe more than ever God will pour his Spirit upon His people and this nation. I am already seeing this at work in our own church and I am excited and expectant to see what the Lord has for all our futures.

I have not lost hope. More than Ever I see hope through the darkness. Jesus is coming and my prayer, plea, and the cry of my post is to not waste your life on the notion that what you hear is what you should believe. Test it! Live for it! Fight for it!

A Word to the Wise- Post Election

I need to get a few things off my chest.

I am sickened by those who believe without testing.
I am horrified by the ignorance of Americans.
I am struck to the core when i hear Christians are failing to live what they say they believe.
I am disappointed in inconsistent thought, in a government and a people who have forgotten on what our country was founded, on how easily we sway and base everything on our emotions, or relativistic ideas.

We once were a strong united nation.
We now stand divided by parties, races, religions.
We once had at least some concept of morality.
We now are a country who desire the very things
our forefathers saw as immoral. The killing of innocent children, gay marriage... etc.
We once were a country somewhat founded on religion.
A trust in God. But we have taken all thought of God out of schools,
out of the Allegiance, and more importantly out of our hearts.
Without Him (God) our country stands divided.


Why does this shock me so much that our country is falling apart? Perhaps I believed that there were more righteous men seeking after the Lord than there are. This election has brought several things to light for me: (1) America is a battleground for unbelievers, we need our primary focus as believers to be here in our own neighborhoods & towns. This is were God has called us to be, and this is were we can make the biggest impact. As those around us observe how we live our lives. (2) We as Americans have become lazy, not caring to challenge things and dig deep for the facts. We are too easily swayed by words and opinions of others. We need to stop adapting, and start being Revolutionary. (3) We have become a nation that wants change, is looking for change, but has the wrong concepts of what kind of change we actually need.

We need change of heart, mind, body and soul, we need a Savior America. May God save us! May we be named His children that His grace may fall upon us as a Country, as a people, as a nation.

Christians now is the time for us to start standing (if you aren't already), and to go against the ebb and flow of the world. To stand on the rock of Christ and speak loudly and clearly, there is no time, we must be bold! I know my Lord is near, be ready, do not waste your time!

Fighting for Contentment, defining Love

It has been a long while since I have written anything on this blog. Something has brought me to this place once again. A need I find within myself to express the very things that weigh heavily upon my heart. I do not know how or where I can begin to explain to you the depths of my feelings and the strength I feel within my very soul. It has been kept tame for so long. I fear it awaits a destiny that I dread. Containment. 

The "strength" I refer to is not one which has been built up by past embitterments of present anger derived from a heart that has not been trusting God. No, more so of having a loving heart, capable of loving more, being locked up inside me. 

Simply my heart awaits the day that no longer must I mask & hide my desires, no longer must I guard it from pain and possible suffering, or a destructive heart. Do not you see? The desire to be loved in return is great, but I am not willing to bow or commit myself to just any man, even men I see as admirable. Admiration is not merely enough. I have learned this the hard way and regretfully I have hurt others in the endeavor to find that out. 

There is much much more than just admiration and an interested party involved in the success of a loving marriage I desire. Friendship, physical attraction, and something that goes much deeper; a common love for the Savior that unites our souls, drawls us to one another in a way inexpressible through words, nor even touch. No always it is like a song sung by both in silence. Melody & Harmony gently, beautifully fitting into perfect tune & pitch gliding along the notes with such clarity, voices as pure and untouched as an infants before their first cry. The warmth of their tone floods the ears and to each ear reached uniquely it conveys a different warmth of feeling. Love is beautiful, untouchable if it is true. No one can put out a heart in true Biblical flaming Love. Therefore my heart will flame on, yet remain dimmed in patience for time to reveal its cause through God's will.

The Joys of Song Writing

So I'm learning that I shouldn't put any completed works on the web for public access... why? Simple: People will copy and paste your work as their own, and if you haven't copywrited your work or have some proff of authorization of the works itself they can have "ownership" of it... boo... so i have erased most of my works posted on facebook and here... and have proof that I am the author... so now I'm safe. :) Basically what you can do (with any art form, written, paintings, music compositions) is put all of your works in a large envolope ( make sure they have the date on your papers of when you wrote them, and mark saying "copywrite pending"), go to your local post office, ask for "receipt requested Mail and immediate pick up". All you have to do is fill out a little form and they immediately hand your package back over to you. Wait for two days and you should receive your reciept in the mail ( make sure to never re-open your envolope and keep it on file along with any receipts for postage). After this point you can fax or mail any of your written works to publishers, or companies interested in looking at your forms. But you must make sure it is a duplicate from what you have in your envolope. After this point it is best to google how to copywrite. There are numerous sights that can help you out with detailed instructions. And there is sadly fees that apply and its not as cheap as you might guess. But it keeps your work safe and YOURS.

Some Amazing Photography

As most of you know, I'm big into anything that is remotely connected to art. Photography is one of those things, I am inspired by. It inspires how I write how I process information, how I compose, and what I free hand. Below are some of my favorite Photographers and I want to give you a taste of each of their works, so that you may enjoy them as well :)

__________________________________________



Cole Thompson

Classic Images in Black & White









Sylvain Lagarde










Todd Schoenbaum

Whoa in Mega Need of An Update!

Hey ya'll,

So sorry for not responding to your comments. I am a horrible friend. Let me make up for that, any ideas? :)


Brief Update:

A week in the life of Courtney Cooke

Monday- (Day off)
Vocal Training from 11-1
Make Dinner for family from 3:30-5:00
Soccer from 6:00-9:30
Family night

Tuesday- Work 9-6
Soccer from 6:30-9:30

Wednesday- Work 9-12:45 at Faith Pres.
Meeting with Karen at 1:00
Vocal Training at 1:15-2:30
Work at Crossway 2:45-5:35

Thursday- Work 9-5:30
Caregroup 6:45

Friday- Work 9-5:30
6:00-7:30 Vocal Training
Crossway Singles Outing

Saturday- Soccer 10-4
Set-up 4-5
Worship 5-6:30

Sunday- Worship Practice 8-9:30
Church 10-12:30
Meetings 1:00-3:30


In my off Time I'm working on writing music profusely (Both Christian and Secular Music), going to doctors appointments, helping out at home, and running kids places... Life is wonderously busy. At times I wonder if it will ever slow down.

As far as schooling for Interior Design goes, I'll not be attending at Westwood. Why, you may ask? Because they want $60,000 for my associate degree. Can you say, Expensive? hah, yeah thats what I thought too.... I searched around for other schooling options and found one that suits me and is incredibly less than Westwood, but still provides most of the same benefits: Rhodec International.

So Here's the deal depending upon how crazy my summer may get I might start classes in the first week in June or the 2nd week in August. We shall just have to wait and see....

Westwood College for Interior Design

I just bought a Mac notebook brand spankin' new, my first ever, this is extremely exciting you have NO idea. My soul purpose for buying one was to have it for school. I have been looking into several schooling options, different careers, and feel as if I have confirmation from God, its Interior Design. I began to look through different colleges, and I found Westwood inquired and today I have my last meeting with them, perhaps to begin in just little over 2 weeks for schooling. Its a three year degree and they work around my work schedule. (!!!) I will write more later about Westwood and explain things, but for now... I'll leave it at that.

In Need Of You Oh Lord

My heart is restless in my my wings are all worn out, I'm walking in the wilderness, but I can not get out. I need you oh I need you, precious Savior, Come. I need you oh I need you! Oh how I need you Lord! I need your perfect word, with tearful eyes I see the sin that I have formed.I need to weep and pray, for all the thousand ways that I have failed you just today.

My bed is soaked with sadness, my sadness has no end. A downward spiral of despair that I keep falling in. I need you oh I need you, I need you Oh I need you! Fill the every longing of my soul! Oh how I need you Lord! I need your perfect word, with tearful eyes I see the sin that I have formed. I need to week and pray for all the thousand ways that I have failed you just today.

Your silence is like death to me.

Oh won't you hear my desperate plee?

Today my soul is soaring way over mountains high, though I can see the valley's they're all just passing by.Its not that I am stronger, look at my feeble wings, but I've been lifted Higher, Yahweh's lifted me in His own strength!I need you oh I need you! To you my soul shall fly, I need you oh I need you! Yahweh how I love you more than life.Oh how I Love you Lord! I love your perfect word. With tearful eyes I see the God who always will endure. Now I can celebrate for all the thousand ways that you have shown me grace,and made my heart in grace sustained, you've made my heart in grace sustained, God make my heart in grace sustained!

Fashion

Fashion

Below I have listed some of my favored online products found from several different Onlinelocations, they would include the following: http://www.freepeople.com/, http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/, & http://www.forever21.com/. The prices at all three of these stores are rather inexpensive (exception being Free People that can get too pricey for my taste) and the quality and service have been great! I love shopping online and finding killer prices. The Key though is to not obsess and overkill. Online purchases should be well thought out and minimized. I don't recommend making all your purchases online (the shipping and handeling can become pretty costly) but at Lulus fashion and Forever 21 they have a deal that if you spend over a certain amount of money on their site then you will have free shipping! DEAL! Plus they send you free shipping labels if you are in need or returning your purchased items. And as for modesty issues, I've found that its been SUPER easy for me to pick and choose what looks modest (What covers? Is it long enough? Is is see-through? What would my Dad think?) I've also had my dad look over the things I want to purchase and get his opinion on modesty ( I suggest you do this too). They also give you a size chart (great for measuring if something may be too tight in places!).







http://www.freepeople.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/products.detail/productID/c6e33c42-bd0f-4809-b610-f5d352c5c52c/categoryID/200ea380-cc77-4d25-8844-132069878c76

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Laurens+Big+Brown+Bag/7696.html

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Gold+Roped+Colored+Pendants/7139.html



http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Trinity+Delightful+Dot+Top+in+Brown/7707.html



http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=dressy+tops&product%5Fid=2047985172&Page=all

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=dressy+tops&product%5Fid=2046964653&Page=1


http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Solemio+Navy+Seal+Knit+Sweater/7193.html

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Seychelles+Round+the+Clock+Red+Leather+Flat/7177.html

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp catalog5Fname=FOREVER21&category5Fname=dressy+tops&product%5Fid=2047497939&Page=1">

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=rings&product%5Fid=1043110520&Page=1

http://www.forever21.com/product.aspcatalog5Fname=FOREVER21&category5Fname=dressy+tops&product5Fid=2046714651&variant5Fid=013&showBACK=OK


http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=dresses&product%5Fid=2033704872&variant%5Fid=013&showBack=OK