Today was the second day that I have almost passed out during physical therapy. Basically I started a heavier load of reps and weights today and was almost hospitalized as my body was going into traumatic shock and I couldn't control myself from shaking. I was sweating profusely, and could barely keep myself from collapsing. The nurses had to come and check my blood level & blood pressure and were very concerned about the results. I am unable to continue with my physical therapy until my doctors have helped to level out and figure out what exactly is wrong with me.
I am fighting for faith. This is just another trial for me, piled up on a whole huge pile of trials. I am fighting to understand, to see the grander picture. I just feel like as I'm finally "hearing" from God, finally getting "back to normal" something happens that hampers me from moving onward. My heart asks questions like: "Lord, what more do you want to teach me?" I want so badly to already "have learned" what He wants to teach me. I am so tired of trials. But I know that through them my Father is sculpting me into someone who is fit to be His Bride. I have seen so much good from the past trials, and I have learned to love and cherish those lessons and hard things He has taught me through them. He is drawling me closer to Himself. I want to learn to love the trials that He brings, its just Him saying He wants all of me, one-on-one, my full focus. I want to give it to Him.
2 comments:
Oh Courtney. Wow. I am praying. I hope I don't sound glib here, but welcome trials as friends! It's the only way to stay sane sometimes... I love you. God bless you.
Though from different circumstances, I feel the same way. I told a friend who was having some health problems and so missing out recently that sometimes God takes opportunities we think are good away from us to actually make SURE that we do not miss out on the best opportunities. I think it's like that with everything He takes away from us or allows us to go through that's hard. He takes things away from us and allows us to go through hard circumstances because He doesn't want us to miss out on the best life, the best blessings. Looking back now, it's been that way with everything I've gone through. But I do still look forward asking, "God, are You done with me yet? I'm tired! When WILL the good part come? When will I see the purpose of THIS?" Thank you for your inspiration to me to surrender to and trust God as I should. It's one thing for me to say it, but it's a constant battle for me to live the words out. I'll be praying for you and I do hope it gets easier.
Post a Comment