1. When she was told she was to conceive a child through the work of the holy spirit, she asks the question "How Lord can this be done since I am a virgin?". We paralleled her response with that of Zacharius, for didn't He ask almost the same thing? The difference was Mary was not asking questioning God's power, she was asking out of curiosity and a desire for knowledge, where as Zacharius felt like he needed more proof than an angel telling him it would be so, he wanted a sign. Also it clearly states..."he did not believe".
2. When she was told these things from the angel she had no one to confide in, who would believe her? Would her family disown her? The first person she was able to confide in was her much older cousin Mary who God directed her to travel to meet with.
3. Not once during all these first few months of her pregnancy did she doubt God, and wasn't it kind of God to bring people like Mary to prove that God did have his hand on this, that He was using her for a greater plan?
It was fascinating being able to dig deep together, oh how I LOVE my HUGE & wonderful care group! (We have nearly 30 people, hah yeah... a lot)
Later Scott directed us towards a time of prayer and mentioned two areas he felt like we were supposed to pray for, for those in our group. He mentioned those who desire to follow God with greater faith, who get distracted, and those who have voluntarily or involuntarily secluded themselves from the body of Christ.... Those who wanted prayer lifted their hands, and I lifted mine.
I explained to the group that unlike most who had already "explained" before me, I was not an either or, I was struggling with both voluntary and involuntary seclusion of the Body of Christ. Involuntarily seclusion started with my knee injury at the Clash it put me in a position to where I was having to pull back from relationships due to my pretty banged up state. It happened to be a good thing, because God at the time was convicting me of how much I been relying on others faith and not really living my own faith. God also was revealing to me that I believed I was defined by my "friends" that I NEED those friendships because they "are apart of me". He through this whole trial stripped me down to nothing and gentle spoke to me "No, I define you.". I had made these friendships idols in my life. Although God was doing good and great things in my heart and life through this injury as time progressed and I began to heal instead of plugging back into older relationship to serve & love & care for others I became complacent and lazy. I realized that "that friendship stuff with those particular people...thats hard work... and I don't think I'm up for hard... so I'll just stay at home... be with my family... stick with my closest friends... I mean I've been hurt in the past by those other friendships, so whats the point of me trying anyhow? I feel content and happy where I am right now..."
My heart was not to serve, but to be served I had become very self-focused, and as I was confessing this I realized there was more that God was after in my own heart, I began to share with them about how my past dispute with two other girls in our College Ministry took place over the issue Biblical Feminity, although it had been "resolved" I had still held some embitterment towards one of the girls and it wasn't until tonight that I truly began to see this issue fully.
Ruth Ballard, my dear sweet friend Mandy, Alan Ballard & Randy McDowell (aka Uncle Randy) prayed over me. And out of the Blue Alan Ballard shares this picture he has for me which would have seemed completely random, but fit so perfectly in God's plan for me tonight. The picture was this: It was me embracing 3 younger teen girls extending love and care, being an example to them, I had a heart to serve and building them up in the things of the Lord.
I began to weep.
Let me explain why. The Lord has given me a true heart for the youth of this nation, in this world. I have such faith for them to grow, I love to serve them, to be apart of their lives. While he shared this picture with me, God spoke to me, "You love my children, yet you do not LOVE my children." I understood. I forgot that Those two girls I was hurt by, they are God's children. How can I love youth & not LOVE them?! I had in my heart and mind written them off of "God's children's list" I had condemned them to Hell. Where was my compassion my love for God's children? Why was it so hard for me to overlook their wrongs when I have wronged so many?
God softened my heart tonight, I confessed my sin, I desire true repentance, true reconciliation. I can not wait to talk to these friends who I have kept away from for so long, because it was "too much work". Tonight I feel a burden has been lifted, my Savior is carrying it tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment