Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Fighting for Contentment, defining Love

It has been a long while since I have written anything on this blog. Something has brought me to this place once again. A need I find within myself to express the very things that weigh heavily upon my heart. I do not know how or where I can begin to explain to you the depths of my feelings and the strength I feel within my very soul. It has been kept tame for so long. I fear it awaits a destiny that I dread. Containment. 

The "strength" I refer to is not one which has been built up by past embitterments of present anger derived from a heart that has not been trusting God. No, more so of having a loving heart, capable of loving more, being locked up inside me. 

Simply my heart awaits the day that no longer must I mask & hide my desires, no longer must I guard it from pain and possible suffering, or a destructive heart. Do not you see? The desire to be loved in return is great, but I am not willing to bow or commit myself to just any man, even men I see as admirable. Admiration is not merely enough. I have learned this the hard way and regretfully I have hurt others in the endeavor to find that out. 

There is much much more than just admiration and an interested party involved in the success of a loving marriage I desire. Friendship, physical attraction, and something that goes much deeper; a common love for the Savior that unites our souls, drawls us to one another in a way inexpressible through words, nor even touch. No always it is like a song sung by both in silence. Melody & Harmony gently, beautifully fitting into perfect tune & pitch gliding along the notes with such clarity, voices as pure and untouched as an infants before their first cry. The warmth of their tone floods the ears and to each ear reached uniquely it conveys a different warmth of feeling. Love is beautiful, untouchable if it is true. No one can put out a heart in true Biblical flaming Love. Therefore my heart will flame on, yet remain dimmed in patience for time to reveal its cause through God's will.

1 comment:

Katie said...

May your heart flame on for Christ... "He is the dearest friend, while others come and go, he is the dearest friend that you will ever know..." -Twila Paris song