Where you at?

Basically I've been seeking counsel from my parents and others in the church about going to school this spring, and I've been praying about it pretty consistently.

Where do I think God is calling me to be at this time in my life?:

I'm pretty set that he wants me still at home still working for the church. I have a desire to take classes and to learn as much as I possibly can, but would I be taking classes for the right reasons? I find that alot of my "desire" to take classes is really a "pressure'' to take classes. This pressure would come from the majority of my friends and family ( not intimate mind you) who find it absolutely absurd to live my life at home with my family and to be working under my father. The lies of this world tempt me to want to make a "name for myself" to be successful, to have a degree so people will think well of me, to prove to the world that I'm not a failure in their eyes because I did go to school and I have a sucessful career as an aftereffect. As of right now I'd be taking these courses for the wrong reasons and what a waste that would in the end be!

But whats the true desire of my heart?:

To love and follow my Lord and Savior. To oneday be a wife and mother who seeks after the things of the Lord and who purposely practices putting into place humility in her life. I want to lay down everything I have and all that I am and all that I lack in being to serve my King. So where am I heading now? Truthfully, I don't know. I will be living at home again for at least another year. I have signed on for another year at least at Crossway I still intend to work for Faith every Wednesday and once a month on Friday nights. I hope to start with serving with the Y&P in the spring and being more purposeful with the younger girls and planning Bible Studies or accountability groups between them. I want to continue to learn and soak in as much as I possibly can from my family, but especially from my mom as she prepares me for my future family. I'm currently working on writing music and recently recording those writtings. After that who knows what God has in store for me. I'm open to anything new and exciting that God has coming my way. I'm excited about life, excited about the future Glory of Jesus Christ.


My Friend said this to me in response to our conversation:

"I can understand the pressures from others about pursuing classes and a position for yourself. In their eyes it seems like you are wasting your time and being foolish. However sometimes God longs for us to do the odd thing and trust in his soverignty and leading. Usually we lack the faith in God and constantly question whether we are following his will. (I do that all the time!) I hope that your faith continues to grow and that you can humbly walk joyfully with God during this time. A verse from Sunday reminded me about the stuff you shared. " I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2 When you truly reflect on that verse, God's soverignty brings so much peace to our crazy, confusing, and uncertain lives."


MY Thoughts:

So true! Consistenly I fall short and lack faith about following God's will. You see I doubt myself, my own reasoning for doing certain things in hopes that they are what God wills, that I become paralyzed and feel incapable of making any decisions on my own. I want SO badly for God to direct and guide me yet I am so fearful of making a mistake and doing what I want & missing out on what God could have for me. What it comes down to (not so suprisingly) is my Pride and not wanting to see my sin. I'm a proud young woman who HATES to be humbled in and of myself. I desire to be a righteous woman, but I don't want to see where I messed up (my sin) to learn how to turn from it and lead a life of righteousness. I just want it without the sin, without seeing my problems. In all actuality I believe sometimes I want to be God with all of His perfection, and oh boy! I try so hard. I fail to remember that I am being perfected through battling this sin with the Holy Spirit, that I am now counted righteous because of Jesus Christ. I fail to see and remember the grace given to me.