Adorned with Grace

Look to the Hills (Chapter 2) Pt. 1

2009-01-24T10:15:00.000-08:00

"Oh why excuse me!" the lady exiting Mrs. Hobb's office, exclaiming her apologies. "Oh, not a problem" I mumbled back to her, a nervous quiver in my voice.

I peaked my head around the door, and faced a simply furnished room with cream walls, an elderly woman, her hair wiry & unkept, perched behind a large mahogany desk typing away on what it seemed to be a keyboard, cluttered with sorted papers and bills. I cleared my throat as the door shut behind me.

"Beg your pardon, but can you point me in the location of Mrs. Hobbs in the Admissions Department?". This caught the attention of the old lady as she pulled down the spectacles that were propped up on the edge of her nose, laid them on the desk and lifted her head. "Well you've come to the right place, that would be me." She said with a rather aged & husky voice.

"Oh... well" I fumbled my words seemingly unable to communicate & hardly able to formulate my own thoughts. "I'm Cindy Clemmons.. I'm here for that assistant administrative position. Dr. Hendrix is a good friend of my families and he said that position was being held for me?"

"Why oh yes!" She exclaimed with warmth of feeling & clarity of understanding, then, getting up from her desk to grab my hand in a friendly embrace. "I've heard quite a deal of you and your accomplishments" I met her hand with an equal amount of decor & warmth as she continued, "I'm looking forward to observing you in future days and hope that you will make an easy adjustment to our ways here."

Look to the Hills (Chapter 1) Pt. 5

2009-01-12T14:39:00.001-08:00

As I walked through the corridors, peeping in and out of door windows trying to find Mrs. Hobbs' location tears began to unexpectedly fall from my face. I didn't realize that hearing from God would be so hard. My pace quickened. Why is it so hard to let go of the past & move on with the future? Why can't it be like it has always been?

I pictured the sweet home I left behind, so full of life, so warm & inviting, filled with the ones I love. I pictured my home church and all the people I had come to love so dearly and become so deeply knit with. Honestly, I didn't realize that I would have so much to miss until that moment. Who was this girl walking down the halls with a briefcase in her hand, what sort of dreams & ambitions did she have for life?

I didn't know, was afraid to know. I felt like there wasn't another person in the world who could understand the depth of my sorrow as I spotted the admissions office. Opening that door meant moving on with life, becoming a independent individual, on my own, alone.

"Lord, heaven knows how far you have brought me here in faith that this is the path you have for me to walk. You have closed the doors & opened others I trust you to give me the strength to move where you lead."

I let out a heavy sigh and the admissions door swung open to greet me.

Look To the Hills (Chapter 1) pt. 4

2008-12-23T18:14:00.000-08:00

The question was not how but when. I knew perfectly well that I needed to brave up and pull open the glass door, inquire at the front desk where Mrs. Hobbs in the admissions department was located in the building, and scout her out. But was I ready to make this step? My portfolio & 5 years of independent study would direct me to suppose I was... but was i mentally ready for this next step?

"Do you trust me?" It hit me like lightning. "Uh..." I hesitated, taken aback by His voice. "Do you trust me?" He repeated His question. "Yea, Lord.... sometimes I guess" I whispered under my breathe. Although I thought quietly to myself that I tended to only trust Him when it was convenient or easy or when I felt like it... "Do you dare not to trust me?" He asked with such intensity that I immediately felt conviction well up inside my soul... "No" I thought to myself.... No I definitely do not dare, to not trust you.

I briskly grabbed the entrance door and stepped into the grandiose lobby.

Look to the Hills (Chapter 1) pt. 3

2008-12-22T20:10:00.000-08:00

As I approached the overbearing brick framework my thoughts ran about me. Wild & untamed they questioned my sanity for reaching this far. How could i do this? Why am I doing this? Doubt crept into my mind as I paced the exterior entrance, unable to make the next steps forward, through the doors, down the hall, to the admissions office. Oh heavens! That seemed far too far away.

Fear had a heavy hand upon my person.... I was afraid of being disappointed, again, being rejected, unwanted. That seemed to define my life thus far, and for as long as I can remember I've strived for something better, more. Acceptance, acknowledgement someone who could see my dreams and help me fulfill them, these were the things I longed to find at Thorton University, but would I find them here?

Look to The Hills (Chapter 1) Second Section

2008-12-18T18:22:00.000-08:00

The air was so crisp and clear, the sky whimsical and soft, my imagination whirling with excitement. I decided to give myself a moment to take it all in, so I placed my bags by my feet. Slowly I surveyed my destination. Six or more finely built brick buildings, which must have been the living quarters, were smartly laid out in a semi circle around a large fountain that seemed to be the central part of the Campus. Down the hill not too far from where I stood I noted more buildings two of which were grandeur in size, being nearly 6 stories high, they topped the rest of the buildings by a good 3 stories. Sitting adjacent to the larger buildings sat a small white church & yet still one more building with high arches & Glass windows that I supposed gave a lovely view of the entire University.

I picked up my bags and decided to walk down the hill in hopes of finding where I was to check in.

Look to the Hills-(Chapter I) a work in progress

2008-12-17T18:00:00.000-08:00

If ever there had been a day that I would remember with tender affection it would be that day I found myself far away from home, in a foreign place, with unfamiliar people. I had by chance the year past found myself in a similar situation that I now found myself. In a small remote town I had never even heard of. The town was of little importance or significance or stature with no real predominate attractions it was located rather remotely between the rolling farm lands of Wheat & Corn. Nearly sixty miles away from Baltimore, Maryland is where i started my quest. It seemed an eternity to arrive as I eagerly waited with each passing turn the bus took to see our exit. As it finally came into view I watched the sun hit the ridges of the ever green hills that rolled around us. I took a breath, beautiful. My heart rate quickened as we progressed to the top of the hill. In a moment I knew that all would be revealed. Whatever lay below would play a key factor into where my life's road would lead. The hill peaked & there lay the beloved destination. "Home", I sighed.

I quickly grabbed my sketchbook off of the empty seat next to me and carefully placed it along with the other equipment into the front sleeve of my briefcase, then stepped into the aisle and waited patiently for the other riders to exit. As I walked down the steps I turned to thank the driver and lifted my head as if to embrace a challenge, and stepped out to meet the curb.

The Blogger Challenge

2008-12-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

Here is a cut and paste list of Christmas Questions I was challenged to answer. I don't know why I like these things, I'm sorry I know most of you find it to be lame.. but I think its fun & insightful!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper! I love to make my gifts look neat, plus I don't like that others can peek in bags, I'm big on surprises. Give me wrapping paper and LOTS of tape!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real, the more fresh the better. I like to smell the beautiful pine. It gives a house a more Christmasy vibe, its crisp & homey.

3. When do you put up the tree? We try to put our tree up either right after Thanksgiving or a week after.

4. When do you take the tree down? Usually by early January.. the tree usually looks rather wilted around then, and its nice to get everything back to normal.

5. Do you like eggnog? I honestly think its disgusting, never again will I drink it!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? My Roller Blades. I spent hours upon hours on our closed in back porch pretending to be a professional ice-skater. Best gift ever.

7. Hardest person to buy for? My Mom. Don't ask me why... I have no clue, perhaps because I want her to be able to use what I buy for her and like what I bought for her. We also have contrasting styles.. so perhaps I'm daunted by the idea of picking out something I don't like that I hope she likes? or that I like that I hope she might like even though she doesn't normally? hah (She is the most grateful person in the world when receiving gifts, and she is not picky, I just happen to be picky for her. hah!)

8. Easiest person to buy for? My brothers. Easy. They always want me to buy them nifty clothes, and that is SO fun and easy for me to do!

9. Do you have a nativity scene? We have several one larger and one little wooden one.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? MAIL! So much more personal, its something you can hold onto and have displayed in your house, on your frig... It means so much more to me if sent via mail. Much more thought goes into that.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A barbie. (4 years ago) What were they thinking?!!! Who knows. haha! I smiled and said thank you and gave them a hug, its the thought that counts!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Its a Wonderful Life. The best Christmas movie :)

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I tend to start and end my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. I don't much care for the mad rush of people and untidily arranged stores.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No, but there are several I could have. Oh how I love white Elephant gift exchanges! ;)

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? A good cup of coffee and a homemade cinnamon bun.

16. Lights on the tree? Of course! I prefer white lights to colored lighting. Its more traditional & clean.

17. Favorite Christmas song? O Come O Come Emanuel.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home. :) stay in your night clothes until dinner. Then dress up.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Downer, Blitzen and Rudolf. (Who came up with these names anyways?)

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have an angel. But I'm not opposed to having a star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning when everyone else is awake.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Impatient customers. I used to work in retail and I had a love/hate relationship with this time of the year in the stores. There are those people who are so sweet and accommodating and happy, then on the flip side those who you can't do anything right for... I can understand how shopping in a hectic climate all day can help to bring you to that state.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? Our tree right now each ornament means something and has a little story to tell. :) I love this idea. I think I would myself go with a golden theme. Who knows. I can't wait to have my own house and family one day to come up with ideas for!

24. Favorite dessert for Christmas dinner? Nothing! Apple Cider?

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A relaxed wonderful fellowship time with perhaps a few games of cards?! :)

26. Any special Christmas traditions? WE have something called the "Christmas Angel" that comes to visit us on the three days before Christmas. The Christmas Angel always leaves a Christmas book for us to read and we always read it on Christmas night together. On Christmas Eve, we go to a candlelight service together as a family, come home eat a meal called shepherd's pie and all of us kids sleep in the same room and stay up late watching movies together. Then in the morning we can't go look or get our stockings until 6 am (we are normally wakened by the two little ones). We have to wait until 7 to open our presents with our whole family. We start with the youngest and work up to the oldest and open one gift at a time. I believe that this has instilled in us greater gratitude and an enjoyment of others receiving. I'm thankful for my parents leadership in this area! Every Christmas night (of course we have a fun dinner all together with my family also) we watch Jesus of Nazareth the first half of the movie of Jesus' birth together and have a discussion about what the movie means to us, and what it was trying to communicate. We like to have a time of worship also.

Basically I have an amazing family, filled with fun & beautiful traditions. Christmas time for us have never been about receiving its always been about giving away, like Christ. Although some of my siblings are unable to give gifts because of finances they have always given of themselves in other significant and beautiful ways. In past years they have created services coupon books for family members entitling us to things like: One free I'll make you bed day, or.... One free clean up your room.... or one coffee date out with your brother. Sometimes these are far more special to me. I love their hearts to serve!

Memories

2008-12-09T18:59:00.001-08:00

As a family tradition we always have a time where we each are able to share one special memory of those whose birthday it is. Tonight it was my Grandpa's birthday (G.P.) and since it was his special night we were able to share some of our favorite memories of him, and it got me to thinking... I really should post some of those things (since I'm prone to forget). :)

Some of my favorite memories of G.P. are when he took my cousin Katie & I on a camping trip in the "Griz" his R.V. that had a miniature statue of a grizzly bear on the dashboard. Unlike when he took the boy who went to Alaska we went right around the bend in Florida not 2 hours from where we lived. You would think we'd be bummed out by this idea, nope I think we may have been far more excited than the boys. A whole weekend with just Gram & Geep and ourselves. Glorious. We did everything from help navigate with the compass in the front seat of the Griz to help set up the overhang and hook up the R.V. to the Lot. One of my favorite weekends thats for sure.

G.P. & Gram also used to own a Self-Storage Rental place. I adored going over to visit them. They had this wonderful little garden in the back of their "house" and I used to spend hours playing make-believe. Me and my cousins used to play hide-and-go-seek in the Self-Storage buildings in the dark and would "tag people" with the light of the flash lights we would carry. We never wanted to stop playing that game. Sometimes G.P. & Gram would let Katie and I play "office" in the real office when visitors were not in, or the office was closed and G.P. would load us up with some old notebooks, calculators & pens. We used to pretend that we were helping people find, locate & purchase flights and help answer questions like the people at the airports do. :) While we were hard at work G.P. would get us two cups of ice cold Cranberry Juice & a napkin full of cheese-its. Till this day this is still one of our favorite snacks. G.P. really was the one that taught me how to drive, and helped distill in me a love for it. The day I turned 11 I was allowed to drive the golf cart all by myself to and fro around the mini storage. I spent hours upon hours parking in spare lots and backing out. He used to ride around with me and taught me about the right of way, yielding and all those valuable lessons.

They also used to own this house that my Aunt & Uncle & Cousins lived in. This house was so wonderful. I adore it. It had a beautiful back yard, & super cool pool with a rock fountain that leaks into it and a jacuzzi tub. I spent a lot of time in the pool... oh the memories! There was a lot next door that Katie & I used to explore, we thought there were gators there and would run and walk in zig-zagged lines just in case. Sometimes we would plan out what our line of action would be just in case a gator attacked us. We always did have wild imaginations. :)

G.P. also owned this canoe that he would allow us to take on the small lake behind their house. We tried to make fishing pools out of sticks and wire and a paperclip we sharpened with our pocket Knives. (haha) We would bait the "hooks" with bread and or little worms we dug up in the backyard. Needless to say we never caught anything. But we always had a grand time at it!

Past the little lake there was a park with a really cool board walk, we used to take walks or ride our bikes down there every week. I love that place.

G.P. was always big on NASA and watching the space shuttle or rockets being launched and Descending. We'd wake up at the crack of dawn to go and watch them boom their way into space, and he'd always stop by some restaurant on the way home to grab his cup of black & bitter coffee and either a good biscuit or a white powdered donut.

When Gram's mom died we had a funeral on the beach and tossed her remainings into the ocean "her love", then we sang a song. "There is a Day" We wept together, but G.P. wept the loudest. Till this day this still happens to be his favorite song, and every time He sings it, He weeps. (I love this about Him)

Episode- Fighting for Faith

2008-12-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

For those of you who do not know... 4 months ago I had major reconstructive knee surgery on my right knee for a severed ACL. They did something called a hamstring graft. I have, by God's great mercy and beautiful grace healed miraculously faster than 90% of the average patient. What would normally be a 9-12 month recovery process has been for me only a 5-6 month recovery process. Thanks to being physically fit, having a pretty healthy functioning body, & a Strong will & lots of stubborn determination, I have been on a quick mend. God has been far more than good to me! Yet, as my knee has healed, I have unfortunately found I have some problem with my blood sugar & hemoglobin levels.

Today was the second day that I have almost passed out during physical therapy. Basically I started a heavier load of reps and weights today and was almost hospitalized as my body was going into traumatic shock and I couldn't control myself from shaking. I was sweating profusely, and could barely keep myself from collapsing. The nurses had to come and check my blood level & blood pressure and were very concerned about the results. I am unable to continue with my physical therapy until my doctors have helped to level out and figure out what exactly is wrong with me.

I am fighting for faith. This is just another trial for me, piled up on a whole huge pile of trials. I am fighting to understand, to see the grander picture. I just feel like as I'm finally "hearing" from God, finally getting "back to normal" something happens that hampers me from moving onward. My heart asks questions like: "Lord, what more do you want to teach me?" I want so badly to already "have learned" what He wants to teach me. I am so tired of trials. But I know that through them my Father is sculpting me into someone who is fit to be His Bride. I have seen so much good from the past trials, and I have learned to love and cherish those lessons and hard things He has taught me through them. He is drawling me closer to Himself. I want to learn to love the trials that He brings, its just Him saying He wants all of me, one-on-one, my full focus. I want to give it to Him.

I am Yours, Save Me.

2008-12-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

You'd think I'd be worried about what steps follow after these.

I would have assumed that much in my past, but no more.

Assurance, I tread on. Peace, I daydream unendingly of what is to be,

what I am, Eternity, my head rests. Sorrow that once purged my

soul of joy has released my heart from the chains that bound it, I

am free. Freedom is the song of my lips. As the chains fell, chills ran

through my veins, my heart leapt as if it beat for the first time.

My chest heaved I breathed afresh, anew, for the first.

I take it all in, I am filled, and still there is boundlessness.

Overshadowed, fallen over, I am masked by my maker, and

stored in a crested place of gold & etched glass. As if He were

to say, "My Treasure of Great & Valuable Worth". His eyes meet

mine, light reflects off my person, and scatters hitting various

objects that once seemed nonexistent, they are revealed.

Caught in between living a dream & Waking in Hell. They know

who they are. Shame & Misery stricken their souls, they see

the true colors of short comings. Fallen. The light reflected warms

the soil under their feet. They feel pleasure. He is delighted & They

are broken. Shadows fall from His presence. With a whisper it

gently find them and takes them up. They are owned. Veiled.

Protected. Adored. They are now added to the highest places.

Neighbors. Living with the same focus. "Beauty that made this Heart

adore you" and Beauty that loved me first, housing me, using me.

I know not where I walk, but I walk with confidence that I am Christ's,

and where I go there He is also. Being used instrumentally building

His Kingdom. What a Jewel of a Mission!

Fail.

2008-12-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

A Series of pretty stinkin' amazingly funny videos that even your grandma will enjoy. literally. Check it out, you'll thank me later.

http://failblog.com/2008/08/21/drainage-fail/

http://failblog.com/2008/09/16/biological-fail/

http://failblog.com/2008/08/13/honking-fail/

A Step Back Into Kindergarden

2008-12-05T05:24:00.000-08:00

Elyse M. Fitzpatrick wrote the following in the introductory part of her book: Because He Loves Me, which is primarily focused on specifics of God's abundant ever-flowing Love for us.

"Among those who would classify themselves as serious Christians, who study the Bible and want to Please God, my guess is that the thought of revisiting the gospel seems like a step back into kindergarten.....In your pursuit of godliness, have you left Jesus behind?... What does His transforming Love mean to you today? Are you more focused on your performance for him or his for you? At the end of the day is there a rest in your soul because of him or is there guilt and a determination that tomorrow your going to "do better? Do you still need to prove your not "all that bad"? Do you get angry when people criticize you or ignore you? You know that Jesus is the door. Do you see how He is your life? Could you tell me how exactly how he has changed your life?"

Earlier in the introductory she asked a great question that I hope to better answer after I finish reading this book:

"Where did the ongoing incarnation of Jesus Christ intersect with your life yesterday?"

My mom and I are planning to go through a study together of this book, and I can not wait to get started, I've put this book off for far too long and now I'm ready to jump into the pages and soak it in! Going "back to the basics", the centrality of my belief, and letting God speak afresh to me of His overwhelming love for me, I know i will be blown away once again. I need to be reminded of His love, I tend to focus as Ms. Fitzpatrick put it above, "on my performance for him.." more often than I focus "on his for me.".

Voluntary & Involuntary Isolation

2008-12-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

Tonight at my amazing Care Group (lead By Scott & Kim Thomas) we were discussing & reviewing this past Sunday's Message, Encountering Emmanuel--Mary's Encounter. And we began to discuss various things about her response to the angel, to God, and to those around her. Here are some of the things we were thinking about Her response to what the Lord spoke to her:

1. When she was told she was to conceive a child through the work of the holy spirit, she asks the question "How Lord can this be done since I am a virgin?". We paralleled her response with that of Zacharius, for didn't He ask almost the same thing? The difference was Mary was not asking questioning God's power, she was asking out of curiosity and a desire for knowledge, where as Zacharius felt like he needed more proof than an angel telling him it would be so, he wanted a sign. Also it clearly states..."he did not believe".

2. When she was told these things from the angel she had no one to confide in, who would believe her? Would her family disown her? The first person she was able to confide in was her much older cousin Mary who God directed her to travel to meet with.

3. Not once during all these first few months of her pregnancy did she doubt God, and wasn't it kind of God to bring people like Mary to prove that God did have his hand on this, that He was using her for a greater plan?

It was fascinating being able to dig deep together, oh how I LOVE my HUGE & wonderful care group! (We have nearly 30 people, hah yeah... a lot)

Later Scott directed us towards a time of prayer and mentioned two areas he felt like we were supposed to pray for, for those in our group. He mentioned those who desire to follow God with greater faith, who get distracted, and those who have voluntarily or involuntarily secluded themselves from the body of Christ.... Those who wanted prayer lifted their hands, and I lifted mine.

I explained to the group that unlike most who had already "explained" before me, I was not an either or, I was struggling with both voluntary and involuntary seclusion of the Body of Christ. Involuntarily seclusion started with my knee injury at the Clash it put me in a position to where I was having to pull back from relationships due to my pretty banged up state. It happened to be a good thing, because God at the time was convicting me of how much I been relying on others faith and not really living my own faith. God also was revealing to me that I believed I was defined by my "friends" that I NEED those friendships because they "are apart of me". He through this whole trial stripped me down to nothing and gentle spoke to me "No, I define you.". I had made these friendships idols in my life. Although God was doing good and great things in my heart and life through this injury as time progressed and I began to heal instead of plugging back into older relationship to serve & love & care for others I became complacent and lazy. I realized that "that friendship stuff with those particular people...thats hard work... and I don't think I'm up for hard... so I'll just stay at home... be with my family... stick with my closest friends... I mean I've been hurt in the past by those other friendships, so whats the point of me trying anyhow? I feel content and happy where I am right now..."

My heart was not to serve, but to be served I had become very self-focused, and as I was confessing this I realized there was more that God was after in my own heart, I began to share with them about how my past dispute with two other girls in our College Ministry took place over the issue Biblical Feminity, although it had been "resolved" I had still held some embitterment towards one of the girls and it wasn't until tonight that I truly began to see this issue fully.

Ruth Ballard, my dear sweet friend Mandy, Alan Ballard & Randy McDowell (aka Uncle Randy) prayed over me. And out of the Blue Alan Ballard shares this picture he has for me which would have seemed completely random, but fit so perfectly in God's plan for me tonight. The picture was this: It was me embracing 3 younger teen girls extending love and care, being an example to them, I had a heart to serve and building them up in the things of the Lord.

I began to weep.

Let me explain why. The Lord has given me a true heart for the youth of this nation, in this world. I have such faith for them to grow, I love to serve them, to be apart of their lives. While he shared this picture with me, God spoke to me, "You love my children, yet you do not LOVE my children." I understood. I forgot that Those two girls I was hurt by, they are God's children. How can I love youth & not LOVE them?! I had in my heart and mind written them off of "God's children's list" I had condemned them to Hell. Where was my compassion my love for God's children? Why was it so hard for me to overlook their wrongs when I have wronged so many?

God softened my heart tonight, I confessed my sin, I desire true repentance, true reconciliation. I can not wait to talk to these friends who I have kept away from for so long, because it was "too much work". Tonight I feel a burden has been lifted, my Savior is carrying it tonight.

Song Writing Craze

2008-12-03T18:28:00.000-08:00

These past couple of weeks I have been focusing on this particular exhortation of Scripture:

2 Timothy 4: 1-5

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is the judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and they will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry."

Honestly I find this passage to be so completely rich, there is much to "take out" and dissect. Obviously there is an encouragement to be "doers" and studiers of the word.... "preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort with COMPLETE patience and teaching." and not merely "believers" or hearers. We also find a contrast between two individuals one who lives the calling and one who strays and pursues "their own passions...and turn away from....the truth and wander...".

Over these past two weeks of meditation and prayer I began to write a song during my quiet time one morning, and bequeathed it: "The Charge of Christ". I believe God's desire through this song was to encourage us to be even more "Christ-like" in our pursuit of preaching the Gospel through our lives, displaying itself more specifically with how we forbear with others believers and non-believers alike, through our humility and our service oriented hearts, showing compassion and love to those who do not love, suffering with those who suffer, extending grace to those who extend none themselves. I know that the Lord is wanting this for me, and is a daily battle to fight against my own selfish desires and my own proud heart. In my flesh, handing over my life to Christ is humiliating, it takes me out of "my zone", I am WAY uncomfortable with being "out of control" of things. Pride, more specifically, Fear of Man is a BIG one for me, and is something that God is desiring to break down in my life, and he has piece by piece and at times bolder by bolder. I am so grateful! This song is a simple exhortation to allow God to take another piece out of that wall (whatever it may be, your lack of faith, Pride, Fear of Man, Fear of lack of knowledge...) so that you are less hindered with yourself and can be used as greater instruments in building up the Kingdom of God!

Charge of Christ (copywrited)

written by: Courtney Cooke

I charge you with Christ,

In the presence of my Lord I

call you to live like you've died.

And I charge you with Faith

To stand firm to stand in place.

And i charge you with Love

to hold onto those who hate his ways, oh

And I charge you with Mercy

to give to those who hate the cross

Be like Christ, Be like Christ

Be like Christ, Be like your Savior

Give your life, Take up the Cross

Be like Christ, Be like Christ

I charge you to suffer with those who suffer

and cry the tears of life, of life with them

and I charge you to grace to extend in abundance

showing love through His name

Be like Christ, Be like Him

Be Like Christ, Be like your Savior

OH! Give you life, and take up the Cross

Be like Christ, Be like Christ

Highlights for 2008

2008-11-22T07:49:00.001-08:00

Emma's 4 Year Old Birthday Party With Her Best Little Budies!

The Clash! :)

A Brisk Winter Night With a Best Friend!

Relativism, Religion, And Obama's Views

2008-11-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine just recently posted this writing on her facebook and I thought it was insightful, please read and form your own opinions, not basing it upon a relativistic idea but the word of God.

My own personal conclusion came to this simplistic idea: Relativism has indeed become a religious idea in our country. I would say even those who say they are not religious tend to express their views on life with this "idea". It is a scary ground on which we tread. For relativism is embracing our own personal views and "feelings" as truth, we in turn become our own god, dictating what is and what is not by our own standard of morality and thought. I would pose that this type of living would then call into question our purpose in life as human beings, why are we living? What are we living for?

Here is her post:

"Today I read an article at ChristianityToday.com entitled, "Obama's Fascinating Interview with Cathleen Falsani." You can read it in full here: http://blog.christianitytoday.com/ctpolitics/2008/11/obamas_fascinat.html It features an interview that was done back in March of 2004 on the subject of Obama's spirituality.

I offer my commentary on several quotes from the interview because I believe it is important that we take a closer look at what Obama is truly saying.

In this day there are many things we are fighting to protect in our country -- the definition of marriage, the sanctity of life, our rights to free speech, and all the other Christian values that make our nation great. For it is a beloved nation.

But first and foremost among these, and foundational to all of them, is -- must be -- how we perceive God. The definition of marriage is important to us because we know how sacred it is in God's Eyes -- it is an earthly symbol of the Church's union with Him as His beloved, pure, faithful Bride. The treasure of life that is each created human being is important to us because we believe that man was created in the image of God -- that he is the living handiwork of God, fashioned with Love, breathed into with the Breath of life, and formed heart and soul to know and embrace God and to bring Him joy. Our view of each issue rests on and is molded by our view of God.

So as you read my notes, I ask you to consider what is happening in our nation. I ask you to consider, how is God being perceived? And what do the people believe a Christian believes? What do we accept as Christianity? Because if it is not what Jesus revealed to us, I believe it is worthless. I believe it is not saving. I believe it is not truth.

Frankly, the "in" thing right now is for Christians to speak about the good points in Obama's policies and beliefs and to pray that he will have wisdom and will succeed. I beg of you to tell me why we are doing this. If Hitler were taking power of our country would we commend him for his numerous apparently good youth programs that keep kids off the street? Would we commend a few aspects of his initial professed "christian" belief in God? If a dangerous man broke in to your house and was within reach of harming your little children, would you pray that he would have wisdom and would succeed in wielding control? Obama gained his rule illegally -- through lies, deception, and corrupt dealings and funding. How is it different?

Friends, I encourage you to stand out from the crowd. I am not saying to ignore the good things -- or to not pray for this man. But I am urging you to what I believe most important; speak the truth, pray for the children. You can align yourself with those advancing evil in the ways you agree and seek common ground. But righteousness does not win that way. We cannot fully love the children that way. Freedom does not remain real under those conditions. Good never truly claims victory when there is compromise. And we must seek victory. Or children will perish.

You see, I wondered after reading this interview and thinking on how this man has been voted president-elect by this nation's people, what would this once beautiful America's founding fathers think if they could see it all now -- oh how they wanted it to be a nation under God's rule and reign, a righteous nation of justice and principle and freedom for all! And then I thought of them up in Heaven. And I realized that from that perspective, and with such love for the dream they saw, like God, they would probably have to turn their heads away, and just weep.

Friends, we must act. Let your love for this country, for its people, be known by your efforts to save her, to rescue them from the slippery slope they are headed down. Pray for Obama as he rules, if you must; but neglect not to pray with all your hearts for those sentenced to destruction or death by his rule. For they are many. They are young. And few will survive without your help.

Stand for true Christianity. Speak of it. Defend it with your life, your aspirations, your success, your reputation laid on the altar. Live it.

Let your love be known. For Jesus. For the children. For America.

+ + +

FALSANI:
What do you believe?

OBAMA:
I am a Christian.

...I'd say, probably, intellectually I've drawn as much from Judaism as any other faith. So, I'm rooted in the Christian tradition. I believe that there are many paths to the same place...

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'"
John 14:6

Can one say they are "rooted in the Christian tradition" who does not believe the words Jesus spoke to be truth?

FALSANI:
Have you always been a Christian?

OBAMA:
I was raised more by my mother and my mother was Christian.

This answer strikes me as strange. But the question, too. No one has ever "always" been a Christian.

OBAMA:
...I'm a big believer in tolerance. I think that religion at its best comes with a big dose of doubt.

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."
Hebrews 11:6

FALSANI:
Do you pray often?

OBAMA:
Uh, yeah, I guess I do.

It's not formal, me getting on my knees. I think I have an ongoing conversation with God. I think throughout the day, I'm constantly asking myself questions about what I'm doing, why am I doing it. ...

And so, the biggest challenge, I think, is always maintaining your moral compass. Those are the conversations I'm having internally. I'm measuring my actions against that inner voice that for me at least is audible, is active, it tells me where I think I'm on track and where I think I'm off track.

: : :

FALSANI:
Have you read the Bible?

OBAMA:
Absolutely.

I read it not as regularly as I would like. These days I don't have much time for reading or reflection, period.

FALSANI:
Do you try to take some time for whatever, meditation prayer reading?

OBAMA:
I'll be honest with you, I used to all the time, in a fairly disciplined way. But during the course of this campaign, I don't. And I probably need to and would like to, but that's where that internal monologue, or dialogue I think supplants my opportunity to read and reflect in a structured way these days.

"We need to constantly challenge our accustomed behaviors in the light of the Gospel. We may say that we are following our conscience, but are we informing our consciences with the truth about these issues?"
-Bishop Robert Hermann

Obama talks about an "inner voice" telling him what is right and wrong. He seems to call conversing with that voice an "ongoing conversation with God." And this has replaced (literally replaced) being informed with God's truth in Scripture. This is frightening to me.

FALSANI:
Who's Jesus to you?

(He laughs nervously)

OBAMA:
Right.

Jesus is an historical figure for me, and he's also a bridge between God and man, in the Christian faith, and one that I think is powerful precisely because he serves as that means of us reaching something higher.

And he's also a wonderful teacher. I think it's important for all of us, of whatever faith, to have teachers in the flesh and also teachers in history.

Is Jesus "powerful" to you because "he serves as that means of us reaching something higher"? Or is the Son of God who died for your sins -- who died in your place -- something more powerful in your life? I'm not criticizing Obama's lack of passion in speaking of Jesus. But I am concerned that he speaks of Jesus as if He is some sort of stepping stone. And then I'm not sure what he's saying with the last line of his comment, but it doesn't sound like he's talking about the One and only person by whom we might be saved -- the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

FALSANI:
Do you have people in your life that you look to for guidance?

OBAMA:
Well, my pastor [Jeremiah Wright] is certainly someone who I have an enormous amount of respect for.

I have a number of friends who are ministers. Reverend Meeks is a close friend and colleague of mine in the state Senate. Father Michael Pfleger is a dear friend, and somebody I interact with closely.

I'm not even going to comment on that.

OBAMA:
... This is something that I'm sure I'd have serious debates with my fellow Christians about. I think that the difficult thing about any religion, including Christianity, is that at some level there is a call to evangelize and prostelytize. There's the belief, certainly in some quarters, that people haven't embraced Jesus Christ as their personal savior that they're going to hell.

FALSANI:
You don't believe that?

OBAMA:
I find it hard to believe that my God would consign four-fifths of the world to hell.

I can't imagine that my God would allow some little Hindu kid in India who never interacts with the Christian faith to somehow burn for all eternity.

That's just not part of my religious makeup.

I'm curious, if he believes this, then why claim association with any form of Christianity?

FALSANI:
Do you believe in heaven?

OBAMA:
Do I believe in the harps and clouds and wings?

FALSANI:
A place spiritually you go to after you die?

OBAMA:
What I believe in is that if I live my life as well as I can, that I will be rewarded. I don't presume to have knowledge of what happens after I die. But I feel very strongly that whether the reward is in the here and now or in the hereafter, the aligning myself to my faith and my values is a good thing.

When I tuck in my daughters at night and I feel like I've been a good father to them, and I see in them that I am transferring values that I got from my mother and that they're kind people and that they're honest people, and they're curious people, that's a little piece of heaven.

FALSANI:
Do you believe in sin?

OBAMA:
Yes.

FALSANI:
What is sin?

OBAMA:
Being out of alignment with my values.

Out of alignment with his values? So being pro-life is a sin in his mind? Speaking about conservative values is a sin? No wonder he wants to pass the Fairness Doctrine and the Freedom of Choice Act. How relative is law becoming.

FALSANI:
What happens if you have sin in your life?

OBAMA:
I think it's the same thing as the question about heaven. In the same way that if I'm true to myself and my faith that that is its own reward, when I'm not true to it, it's its own punishment.

Six words: He has no fear of God.

OBAMA:
Alongside my own deep personal faith, I am a follower, as well, of our civic religion. I am a big believer in the separation of church and state.

... I'm very suspicious of religious certainty expressing itself in politics.

Does that mean he is suspicious of the Ten Commandments? Or our country's founding documents -- that spoke with certainty of God's Sovereignty? Of the founding fathers reasons for believing that we each have inalienable rights? Of Christians believing there is absolute right and absolute wrong in God's Eyes concerning the murdering of the unborn?

FALSANI:
Do you ever have people who know you're a Christian question a particular stance you take on an issue, how can you be a Christian and ...

OBAMA:
Like the right to choose.

I haven't been challenged in those direct ways. And to that extent, I give the public a lot of credit. I'm always struck by how much common sense the American people have. They get confused sometimes, watch FoxNews or listen to talk radio. That's dangerous sometimes. But generally, Americans are tolerant...

Even with how "tolerant" he sounds, I'm concerned with how he will try to handle these "dangerous" and "confusing" influences in the coming days."

Clarification

2008-11-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

Just to bring some clarification to my last post, I neither wrote this work to provoke argument, nor bring greater division, nor to remotely speak out against Obama (which if you re-read my post I think you will see that I never once mentioned the election nor any candidate, so please do not assume) . My primary focus in my note was to describe to my fellow believers what I am only now beginning to fully grasp, and that which, the election has helped to bring to light personally, individually to me, We have great work to do.

The election was not the beginning of this great evil I see in our country, it started thousands of years ago, and it is still the same thing. Sin. But what I thought I had communicated fairly clearly was the fact that we as believers have been content to do little things instead of great things. We have been content to live in comfort instead of doing "Hard things". We have been content with sitting in the shadows instead of spreading "the light of the Gospel".

I believe that God will use Obama despite what we may agree and or disagree with him on. I know I am called to respect his position over me as an authority that the Lord has placed in my life, and I know that the Lord is sovereign over all things. So I do respect Obama, and I will pray for him, and I will continue to put my faith & trust in God alone, and not in man or man's so often contradicting opinions and belief systems that fail time & time again.

I believe more than ever God will pour his Spirit upon His people and this nation. I am already seeing this at work in our own church and I am excited and expectant to see what the Lord has for all our futures.

I have not lost hope. More than Ever I see hope through the darkness. Jesus is coming and my prayer, plea, and the cry of my post is to not waste your life on the notion that what you hear is what you should believe. Test it! Live for it! Fight for it!

A Word to the Wise- Post Election

2008-11-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

I need to get a few things off my chest.

I am sickened by those who believe without testing.
I am horrified by the ignorance of Americans.
I am struck to the core when i hear Christians are failing to live what they say they believe.
I am disappointed in inconsistent thought, in a government and a people who have forgotten on what our country was founded, on how easily we sway and base everything on our emotions, or relativistic ideas.

We once were a strong united nation.
We now stand divided by parties, races, religions.
We once had at least some concept of morality.
We now are a country who desire the very things
our forefathers saw as immoral. The killing of innocent children, gay marriage... etc.
We once were a country somewhat founded on religion.
A trust in God. But we have taken all thought of God out of schools,
out of the Allegiance, and more importantly out of our hearts.
Without Him (God) our country stands divided.

Why does this shock me so much that our country is falling apart? Perhaps I believed that there were more righteous men seeking after the Lord than there are. This election has brought several things to light for me: (1) America is a battleground for unbelievers, we need our primary focus as believers to be here in our own neighborhoods & towns. This is were God has called us to be, and this is were we can make the biggest impact. As those around us observe how we live our lives. (2) We as Americans have become lazy, not caring to challenge things and dig deep for the facts. We are too easily swayed by words and opinions of others. We need to stop adapting, and start being Revolutionary. (3) We have become a nation that wants change, is looking for change, but has the wrong concepts of what kind of change we actually need.

We need change of heart, mind, body and soul, we need a Savior America. May God save us! May we be named His children that His grace may fall upon us as a Country, as a people, as a nation.

Christians now is the time for us to start standing (if you aren't already), and to go against the ebb and flow of the world. To stand on the rock of Christ and speak loudly and clearly, there is no time, we must be bold! I know my Lord is near, be ready, do not waste your time!

Fighting for Contentment, defining Love

2008-11-04T09:15:00.000-08:00

It has been a long while since I have written anything on this blog. Something has brought me to this place once again. A need I find within myself to express the very things that weigh heavily upon my heart. I do not know how or where I can begin to explain to you the depths of my feelings and the strength I feel within my very soul. It has been kept tame for so long. I fear it awaits a destiny that I dread. Containment.

The "strength" I refer to is not one which has been built up by past embitterments of present anger derived from a heart that has not been trusting God. No, more so of having a loving heart, capable of loving more, being locked up inside me.

Simply my heart awaits the day that no longer must I mask & hide my desires, no longer must I guard it from pain and possible suffering, or a destructive heart. Do not you see? The desire to be loved in return is great, but I am not willing to bow or commit myself to just any man, even men I see as admirable. Admiration is not merely enough. I have learned this the hard way and regretfully I have hurt others in the endeavor to find that out.

There is much much more than just admiration and an interested party involved in the success of a loving marriage I desire. Friendship, physical attraction, and something that goes much deeper; a common love for the Savior that unites our souls, drawls us to one another in a way inexpressible through words, nor even touch. No always it is like a song sung by both in silence. Melody & Harmony gently, beautifully fitting into perfect tune & pitch gliding along the notes with such clarity, voices as pure and untouched as an infants before their first cry. The warmth of their tone floods the ears and to each ear reached uniquely it conveys a different warmth of feeling. Love is beautiful, untouchable if it is true. No one can put out a heart in true Biblical flaming Love. Therefore my heart will flame on, yet remain dimmed in patience for time to reveal its cause through God's will.

The Joys of Song Writing

2008-05-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm learning that I shouldn't put any completed works on the web for public access... why? Simple: People will copy and paste your work as their own, and if you haven't copywrited your work or have some proff of authorization of the works itself they can have "ownership" of it... boo... so i have erased most of my works posted on facebook and here... and have proof that I am the author... so now I'm safe. :)

Basically what you can do (with any art form, written, paintings, music compositions) is put all of your works in a large envolope ( make sure they have the date on your papers of when you wrote them, and mark saying "copywrite pending"), go to your local post office, ask for "receipt requested Mail and immediate pick up". All you have to do is fill out a little form and they immediately hand your package back over to you. Wait for two days and you should receive your reciept in the mail ( make sure to never re-open your envolope and keep it on file along with any receipts for postage). After this point you can fax or mail any of your written works to publishers, or companies interested in looking at your forms. But you must make sure it is a duplicate from what you have in your envolope.

After this point it is best to google how to copywrite. There are numerous sights that can help you out with detailed instructions. And there is sadly fees that apply and its not as cheap as you might guess. But it keeps your work safe and YOURS.

Some Amazing Photography

2008-04-25T13:14:00.001-07:00

As most of you know, I'm big into anything that is remotely connected to art. Photography is one of those things, I am inspired by. It inspires how I write how I process information, how I compose, and what I free hand. Below are some of my favorite Photographers and I want to give you a taste of each of their works, so that you may enjoy them as well :)

__________________________________________

Cole Thompson

Classic Images in Black & White

Sylvain Lagarde

Todd Schoenbaum

Whoa in Mega Need of An Update!

2008-04-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll,

So sorry for not responding to your comments. I am a horrible friend. Let me make up for that, any ideas? :)

Brief Update:

A week in the life of Courtney Cooke

Monday- (Day off)
Vocal Training from 11-1
Make Dinner for family from 3:30-5:00
Soccer from 6:00-9:30
Family night

Tuesday- Work 9-6
Soccer from 6:30-9:30

Wednesday- Work 9-12:45 at Faith Pres.
Meeting with Karen at 1:00
Vocal Training at 1:15-2:30
Work at Crossway 2:45-5:35

Thursday- Work 9-5:30
Caregroup 6:45

Friday- Work 9-5:30
6:00-7:30 Vocal Training
Crossway Singles Outing

Saturday- Soccer 10-4
Set-up 4-5
Worship 5-6:30

Sunday- Worship Practice 8-9:30
Church 10-12:30
Meetings 1:00-3:30

In my off Time I'm working on writing music profusely (Both Christian and Secular Music), going to doctors appointments, helping out at home, and running kids places... Life is wonderously busy. At times I wonder if it will ever slow down.

As far as schooling for Interior Design goes, I'll not be attending at Westwood. Why, you may ask? Because they want $60,000 for my associate degree. Can you say, Expensive? hah, yeah thats what I thought too.... I searched around for other schooling options and found one that suits me and is incredibly less than Westwood, but still provides most of the same benefits: Rhodec International.

So Here's the deal depending upon how crazy my summer may get I might start classes in the first week in June or the 2nd week in August. We shall just have to wait and see....

Westwood College for Interior Design

2008-04-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

I just bought a Mac notebook brand spankin' new, my first ever, this is extremely exciting you have NO idea. My soul purpose for buying one was to have it for school. I have been looking into several schooling options, different careers, and feel as if I have confirmation from God, its Interior Design. I began to look through different colleges, and I found Westwood inquired and today I have my last meeting with them, perhaps to begin in just little over 2 weeks for schooling. Its a three year degree and they work around my work schedule. (!!!) I will write more later about Westwood and explain things, but for now... I'll leave it at that.

In Need Of You Oh Lord

2008-04-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

My heart is restless in my my wings are all worn out, I'm walking in the wilderness, but I can not get out. I need you oh I need you, precious Savior, Come. I need you oh I need you! Oh how I need you Lord! I need your perfect word, with tearful eyes I see the sin that I have formed.I need to weep and pray, for all the thousand ways that I have failed you just today.

My bed is soaked with sadness, my sadness has no end. A downward spiral of despair that I keep falling in. I need you oh I need you, I need you Oh I need you! Fill the every longing of my soul! Oh how I need you Lord! I need your perfect word, with tearful eyes I see the sin that I have formed. I need to week and pray for all the thousand ways that I have failed you just today.

Your silence is like death to me.

Oh won't you hear my desperate plee?

Today my soul is soaring way over mountains high, though I can see the valley's they're all just passing by.Its not that I am stronger, look at my feeble wings, but I've been lifted Higher, Yahweh's lifted me in His own strength!I need you oh I need you! To you my soul shall fly, I need you oh I need you! Yahweh how I love you more than life.Oh how I Love you Lord! I love your perfect word. With tearful eyes I see the God who always will endure. Now I can celebrate for all the thousand ways that you have shown me grace,and made my heart in grace sustained, you've made my heart in grace sustained, God make my heart in grace sustained!

Fashion

2008-02-01T08:27:00.001-08:00

Fashion

Below I have listed some of my favored online products found from several different Onlinelocations, they would include the following: http://www.freepeople.com/, http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/, & http://www.forever21.com/. The prices at all three of these stores are rather inexpensive (exception being Free People that can get too pricey for my taste) and the quality and service have been great! I love shopping online and finding killer prices. The Key though is to not obsess and overkill. Online purchases should be well thought out and minimized. I don't recommend making all your purchases online (the shipping and handeling can become pretty costly) but at Lulus fashion and Forever 21 they have a deal that if you spend over a certain amount of money on their site then you will have free shipping! DEAL! Plus they send you free shipping labels if you are in need or returning your purchased items. And as for modesty issues, I've found that its been SUPER easy for me to pick and choose what looks modest (What covers? Is it long enough? Is is see-through? What would my Dad think?) I've also had my dad look over the things I want to purchase and get his opinion on modesty ( I suggest you do this too). They also give you a size chart (great for measuring if something may be too tight in places!).

http://www.freepeople.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/products.detail/productID/c6e33c42-bd0f-4809-b610-f5d352c5c52c/categoryID/200ea380-cc77-4d25-8844-132069878c76

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Laurens+Big+Brown+Bag/7696.html

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Gold+Roped+Colored+Pendants/7139.html

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Trinity+Delightful+Dot+Top+in+Brown/7707.html

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=dressy+tops&product%5Fid=2047985172&Page=all

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=dressy+tops&product%5Fid=2046964653&Page=1

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Solemio+Navy+Seal+Knit+Sweater/7193.html

http://www.lulusfashionlounge.com/products/Seychelles+Round+the+Clock+Red+Leather+Flat/7177.html

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp catalog5Fname=FOREVER21&category5Fname=dressy+tops&product%5Fid=2047497939&Page=1">

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=rings&product%5Fid=1043110520&Page=1

http://www.forever21.com/product.aspcatalog5Fname=FOREVER21&category5Fname=dressy+tops&product5Fid=2046714651&variant5Fid=013&showBACK=OK

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=dresses&product%5Fid=2033704872&variant%5Fid=013&showBack=OK

A Women's Intuition

2008-01-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

"I Think He Likes Me . . .
"I really think he likes me!" Based on what?
"He looked at me a certain way in church last week. . . ""He called me about homework. He could have called anyone, but he chose me. . .""We have so much in common, it just makes sense . . .""We just have this chemistry . . .""He came and sat down next to me at Tuesday's meeting. . .""When we're out with the group, he tries to get me alone. . .""He flirts with me--it's so obvious!"Women's intuition. Is there such a thing? Perhaps we have been given an extra measure of relational discernment. But we take it too far, and it is certainly not reliable when it comes to our own romantic hopes. I once heard a wise pastor explain that there is only one way to know if a boy likes a girl, and it is this: he will tell her that he likes her. Until then, the pastor said, it is safe (and wise) to assume that he doesn't."-Lydia Brewback

This morning as I was looking through some of my favorite blogs, I popped in on the Purple Cellar Blog and found this post labeled "I think he likes me". I laughed as I looked back on my past, and the many times in which I questioned a certain Young Man's motives/intentions towards me, God's Will, and His Sovereignty over that situation in my life. In my singleness I realize now I was not content in SO many many different ways.

Yet, once I let go of all those things (my desires and Hopes for the future) and laid them all before the Lord and stated what is listed below I was pursued!:

"God, you are aware of my desires, and my needs. You know what is best for me at this time in my life. Lord take these feelings and desires away if it is not time, or if it is unappropriate for me to think in these terms. Take my heart and make it fully yours. That I may know the Love of Christ more deeply and more intimately than any other. Make me desire you completely and you only. May I pursue you and a future with you without thought to what my life may look like and what I'd be 'missing out on' by the world's standards. May I reject the World's lies that lead me astray from you and cling to your cross for guidance & strength that I may endure and be steadfast. Lord I desire to trust in your goodness and in your faithfulness and not doubt your sovereign perfect plan. Allow me to catch of a glimpse of understanding your ways, that I may walk out in TRUE faith before you in the midst of my singleness."

We're not famous!!!..err well kinda

2008-01-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

Hey Check this out... Christopher and I are on the rebelution site!!

Here:

http://www.therebelution.com/apparel/picture_contest.htm

and here:

http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2008/01/do-hard-things-t-shirt-picture-contest/

Basically I ordered a shirt for both Christopher and I (and Caleb, but he wasn't present for the pictures) and we were asked to take pictures of us in them and then present them to the Harris Brothers for a contest or something... we had a blast and never imagined that these would be uploaded to their site. How fun!

Future Song Idea & More Contemplations.

2007-12-27T08:24:00.000-08:00

I want to touch base, its been awhile.

2 things:

1. I'm writing another song about & for Naomi Rose Nichol, shes the Daughter of David & Rebecca Nichols (who are members of our sweet church family here) she was born last year Mid August, and the testimony of her birth is one I believe is powerfully emotional and tells of the Mercy and Kindness of God upon her life. Its something that I would love to put into words for her. I would have liked to have completed it before Christmas, but alas... time was short. I may post it after it has been completed.

2. I recently took my mom to get her haircut and since then have been contemplating a life as a Cosmotologist & Hair Stylist.... Schooling for both would be app. to 3 years at the most for my initial degree. Then I would be under the study of a local Cosmotologist for 6-9 months. I'm seriously praying about it...

Where you at?

2007-12-06T11:58:00.000-08:00

Basically I've been seeking counsel from my parents and others in the church about going to school this spring, and I've been praying about it pretty consistently.

Where do I think God is calling me to be at this time in my life?:

I'm pretty set that he wants me still at home still working for the church. I have a desire to take classes and to learn as much as I possibly can, but would I be taking classes for the right reasons? I find that alot of my "desire" to take classes is really a "pressure'' to take classes. This pressure would come from the majority of my friends and family ( not intimate mind you) who find it absolutely absurd to live my life at home with my family and to be working under my father. The lies of this world tempt me to want to make a "name for myself" to be successful, to have a degree so people will think well of me, to prove to the world that I'm not a failure in their eyes because I did go to school and I have a sucessful career as an aftereffect. As of right now I'd be taking these courses for the wrong reasons and what a waste that would in the end be!

But whats the true desire of my heart?:

To love and follow my Lord and Savior. To oneday be a wife and mother who seeks after the things of the Lord and who purposely practices putting into place humility in her life. I want to lay down everything I have and all that I am and all that I lack in being to serve my King. So where am I heading now? Truthfully, I don't know. I will be living at home again for at least another year. I have signed on for another year at least at Crossway I still intend to work for Faith every Wednesday and once a month on Friday nights. I hope to start with serving with the Y&P in the spring and being more purposeful with the younger girls and planning Bible Studies or accountability groups between them. I want to continue to learn and soak in as much as I possibly can from my family, but especially from my mom as she prepares me for my future family. I'm currently working on writing music and recently recording those writtings. After that who knows what God has in store for me. I'm open to anything new and exciting that God has coming my way. I'm excited about life, excited about the future Glory of Jesus Christ.

My Friend said this to me in response to our conversation:

"I can understand the pressures from others about pursuing classes and a position for yourself. In their eyes it seems like you are wasting your time and being foolish. However sometimes God longs for us to do the odd thing and trust in his soverignty and leading. Usually we lack the faith in God and constantly question whether we are following his will. (I do that all the time!) I hope that your faith continues to grow and that you can humbly walk joyfully with God during this time. A verse from Sunday reminded me about the stuff you shared. " I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2 When you truly reflect on that verse, God's soverignty brings so much peace to our crazy, confusing, and uncertain lives."

MY Thoughts:

So true! Consistenly I fall short and lack faith about following God's will. You see I doubt myself, my own reasoning for doing certain things in hopes that they are what God wills, that I become paralyzed and feel incapable of making any decisions on my own. I want SO badly for God to direct and guide me yet I am so fearful of making a mistake and doing what I want & missing out on what God could have for me. What it comes down to (not so suprisingly) is my Pride and not wanting to see my sin. I'm a proud young woman who HATES to be humbled in and of myself. I desire to be a righteous woman, but I don't want to see where I messed up (my sin) to learn how to turn from it and lead a life of righteousness. I just want it without the sin, without seeing my problems. In all actuality I believe sometimes I want to be God with all of His perfection, and oh boy! I try so hard. I fail to remember that I am being perfected through battling this sin with the Holy Spirit, that I am now counted righteous because of Jesus Christ. I fail to see and remember the grace given to me.

Shh... Its a secret!!

2007-12-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

Yes the rumor is true I have indeed started some basic recording again. With my friends Brian & Zach Wetzel who are members of my church family Crossway Fellowship.

Brian is a talented and humble young writer who feels compelled to write lyrics that provoke the Gospel, he has a natural earthy more laid back feel to his style. All of his recent writings revolve around worshiping his Lord & Savior Jesus Christ.

Zach comes along side his older brother with much the same earthy worshipful laid back feel. He brings a level of musical understanding that is both insightful and helpful. He is a rhythmic player, and brings us much laughter as he is constantly joking around. His joy obviously comes from his Love of God. He is a passionate pursuer of righteousness.

I was asked to be apart of this recording after the Wetzel brothers (as I commonly refer to them as) had prayed about it and talked it through. I was humbled by their request to have me apart, I know that they could have found someone more qualified for the task than I some one of their friends perhaps with more talent whose had more experience. I am blessed and honored to be able to join their musical endeavors.

Monday morning we got together in their studio (which is located in their house) and looked through our "options" we actually accomplished more than I thought we would. We designated which songs we would chose to have on the CD practiced several of them and pre-prerecorded one of them.

I have enjoyed this more "laid back" approach to recording. We started with prayer (totally new for me it would have gone totally against "how we did it" in my past recording days.) Seeking the Lords guidance as we begin this new task. We laughed alot as I messed up and we kept singing anyways. Something else new for me... I'm not just singing I am playing the guitar and piano... never done that before. I was surprised to find that i was not nervous about this. God's Grace!

I'm not at liberty to tell you what we are recording currently because yes it is a Christmas surprise :)... You will just have to wait and see. But what I can tell you is that our main goal in recording is to glorify God.

If you do not mind I would LOVE to have prayer for this. That God would use us, use our giftings to provoke the Gospel in the Unbelievers that this will reach or that our lack of gifting would not distract from how God would wish to speak, that we would remain humble and give all the Glory to God. I'm excited to see where this will lead!!

Tread onward.

2007-11-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

Today my post is simple, for I am simple minded today.

Simply I'm in a season of waiting for the Lord's Will to be revealed.

My questions that I seek to have answered would those be pertaining to schooling.

Should I go to school? Would it be a good financial desicision?

If I do decide to go to school, should I quite working, or work part-time?

What would be the reasoning for me going to school?

How Might I use my "furthered education" to serve the body of Christ?

I have so much to ask. I need so much guidance. Thankfully I don't feel overwhelmed.

I am content (suprisingly) to be where he has me, and its been such a joy!

My parents have been used as a wonderful means of wisdom and insight in this area.

I'm so grateful for how they invest in my life! And the interest they take in my future.

My patience in this waiting season is mainly due to the fact that it has been modeled

for me through my parents. Even as we sit to talk through future plans they continue

to remind me that these plans are not "my" plans they are all the Lord's. This is such

a helpful reminder! I can get ahead of God by planning "my" future. That I lose sight

of the Bigger picture, its "His" plans and always has been. He has so much more for

In store for me, a greater calling.

We'll see what happens in the days to come, weeks to come.

Please keep me in your prayers. (Oh how I need them!)

Lyrical Melodies

2007-10-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone I know its been sometime since my last post. This week God has just really impressed me with his love for me, and trying to teach me whats my purpose in life, why in the end do all things matter. In this post I hope to share with you some music I have semi-completed writing. The first song is about Grace ("his love for me") and the second being, When all is said and done ("my purpose in life"). These songs are always open for critique or observations. So please I welcome your input. But be aware that I may refrain from using your ideas, should I feel they could mess with the song lyrically, scripturally, or even musically. I am always grateful for your comments though!
______________________________________
Below is a song that I partially wrote about oh gee 6 1/2 years ago. I happened upon it as I was going through some old binders I have stored in my closet, and thought wow this (unlike alot of my older music writing) had something special to it. I picked it up grabbed my guitar and what did you know? It just fit. Its real legato (flowy) & soft. Which would be very descriptive of my writing style, laid back worshipful, at times folksy.... Well anyways I happened to finish writing it today, and I must say I like it.

Grace

Verse 1:

Love unnoticed humbly came,
Created to take my blame
How can I understand, this kind of love?
Love was nailed to a cross
Cursed, abandoned, and crushed,
Just for the sake, the sake of Love.

Verse 2:

No understanding could I find,
Reasoning for sparing my life,
No good have I done
yet by the good works of your son.
Teachings many has he gave,
Thousands yet he hopes to save,
Crying out for you to hear,
burdened now to save from fear,

Chorus:

Of death, of death eternal,
with your wrath fully on them now.
Please spare! Please spare your children!
I'll take it all upon myself.

Verse 3:

Grace unmeasured vast and free,
saved me from an eternity.
Where hate and wrath prevail,
yet he still bore the nails,
that where meant for my feet,
for my hands meant to bleed,
yet on him we still depend,
gracious father, merciful man.

Chorus:

What grace? Could I define such grace?
This overwhelms and challenges my week thoughts.
Such grace! What mercy displayed!
I stand amazed in light of your grace.

Bridge:

For you are glorious,
and your reign is victorious,
and your fame is all over us,
and I stand amazed (x2)

Chorus:

What grace? What grace unending!
Undeserved, unmeasured, unmerited grace!
Such grace? I marvel now in light of your grace.

____________________________________
Again since I went looking through my old written lyrics I happened to find this partially written sheet of music. I'm not exactly done with the writing of it, but I'll keep you posted for when it does happen to be completed. Personally if you merely read the lyrics they can sound a bit cheesy and "kid-like" please take into consideration that 6-7 years ago I was a child. Being merely 12/13 years old. Anyhow.... hope you enjoy it, Here you are:

When its all said and done

Verse 1:

Time is ticking clearly stating times running out.
Every Minute every hour feels like I'm slowly die-ing.
Day by day night by night wondering,
if I will in the end put up a fight,
Or will I walk away with nothing left to say,
Carrying cowardly my own disgrace?

Chorus:

I wanna be your shadow
So all can see you move in me.
I want to be your echo,
so that all will hear you speak through me.
I want to be your servant,
So all will see I follow Thee
father lead me on.

My heart weeps with those who weep....

2007-10-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

As we were walking this past Friday night in downtown Atlanta ( we were going to see the Nickle Creek Concert at the FOX ), we being Christina, Tara and I, witnessed a man/student get hit by a car.

At first I wasn't sure how to respond, seeing the car and then the body lying a pretty good distance from the vehicle. I couldn't believe how fast life can end. One moment content happy, the next facing death, and possibly for him an eternity in hell.

My heart was breaking as I tried not to panic or faint at the sight of his blood pouring out of his back and neck and puddled around him. And as the policeman calmly and gently talked into his ear comforting peaceful words. Words to encourage him on, to continue to live to continue breathe. Gently he laid the students backpack beneath his head.

My heart was racing. Searching, questioning God and his sovereignty in that moment. Anger built within my heart towards the careless driver who hit him, who did not see him. But in an instant my anger melted. And all I could think of was where his life was headed. Would someone speak to him the truth of the Gospel? Would they lead him to the resting place of ultimate peace, ultimate satisfaction? I prayed as we finally decided to leave the scene of the accident, being that there was nothing more we could do.

My heart burdened for him, my soul crying out for a miracle of salvation in this mans life should he not already be saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ. Heavy was the load I was carrying for him, so heavy that I could barely continue to walk & think clearly.

But Tara comforted my mind with these words. "I can't dwell on this anymore. I have to leave it in the hands of God, and know that he is good and sovereign."

I have to believe that He is who He says He is in every circumstance whether it be in prosperity or in trial. I need to believe the truths of his Word in those moments, the truths of the Gospel. This is my attempt of putting that "blind faith" into action. I not only need to think I believe it, I need to vocalize it.

Once vocalizing it to myself as I stood outside the Fox Theater the burden was released. My joy regained, my hope restored.

Life is such a beautiful thing, yet sometimes it takes a instance like this for us to remember what in the end really matters in life. Its puts my life into prospective and asks the question: "Was living a life of temporary satisfaction in the end worth it?". When all is said and done what really matters most in life

Ravi Zacharias

2007-10-03T17:03:00.000-07:00

Ravi I have personally found, is not only a intense apologist,
but a rather eloquent and plain spoken speaker.

Now heres a little history about Ravi I found on Wikipedia:
"Ravi Zacharias (full name Frederick Antony Ravi Kumar Zacharias,
born 1946) is an Indian-born, Canadian-American evangelical Christian
philosopher,apologist and evangelist. Zacharias is a descendant of two
rich religious traditions,first Hindu priests (of the Nambudiri Brahmin
caste), and later as Christian ministers. In one of his lectures, Zacharias
asserts that a Swiss-German priest spoke to one of his ancestors about
Christianity, and thereafter that branch of the family was converted
and the family name was changed from Nambudiri to Zacharias. The
biography Zacharias offers about himself is that he grew up in a
nominally Anglican household, and was an atheist until the age of 21,
when he unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide by swallowing poison.
According to one of his books (Cries of the Heart), someone instructed
his mother to read out the Gospel of John to him as he lay on a hospital
bed in Delhi. Following that, he made the decision to become a Christian.
He began preaching while still in his teens, and in 1974, shortly before
the Khmer Rouge took over Cambodia, he was sent there to minister
to the people in the country. He was also sent to Vietnam during the
Vietnam War to minister to U.S. soldiers."

My reason for discussing Ravi Zacharias:

I went to his discussion this past Thursday and he spoke on Heaven, Hell
and Middle Ground. Basically he proved that there is no middle ground
therefore meaning there must be a heaven and a hell.

What he failed to prove in his discussion on Thursday night,

to those who were unbelievers was there is actually a
God in the first place. And why we are in need of a God, also failed to prove to
unbelievers that we in and of ourselves are fallen wicked men. Although he
believes these, he failed to communicate as to why he believes them
and how he got to that state. I guess that would have taken far too long for him
to discuss with us...but yeah he also touched on Plurization and Secularization
and that as a society in America we have adopted to these methods of thinking.
That everything is subjective. And everything is truth and not truth it strictly
depends on those who hear it, and how they interpret things individually. The
result of Pluralization, as Ravi defined it, is a society without reason, without
the capability to have "thought", because everything is subjective to ones own
beliefs, and the result of a Secularized society is a world without shame, no
morality, no either or's with "right" or "wrong" it would be Both right and wrong,
never having a distinguished view between the two.

I greatly appreciated his thoughts on the matter of Pluralization and
Secularization, for I believe this is something we desperately needed to hear
again in the great city of Athens, Georgia. Being in the midst of a University,
a public liberal college mind you, we easily have adapted to these "taught ways
of life". And as a believer in the midst of this Pluralized Secular State, we
can be easily led astray into our countries "cultural" mindset, "Do what feels
good, according to your own standards of morality". If we each have our own
standards of "morality" and each differ from one another than we have no
morality to begin with. This is what Ravi was speaking about having no shame.
We have no shame when in this state because everything is set according to
our own interpretation of morality.

How his teaching specifically applies to me: I think I can drift towards the

secular mindset of: "truth is subjective to what I believe" I'm more prone

to think this way in the midst of correction, i.e. from parents, of from Chris.

Thinking thoughts like "Well thats good for you to bring me these corrections

which you believe by your own standards are truth ( which indeed they

are truth considering they try to base their observations on the Word of

God ), but at this present moment I don't want to believe that this is truth,

infact your "truth" differs greatly from mine. So whats the point in listening,

or taking in your observations to heart?" Sadly this responce is my pride

and although I do not think these thoughts nearly as much as i have in the

past it is still a struggle to think with this mindset.

Testimony..bear with me.

2007-10-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

To Start I'd like to quote a friend of mine, and say that although my testimony is "simple" in that I don't' believe it will bring many to a saving faith, it is nevertheless just as significant and beautiful in the eyes of my Savior, in that I've been pardoned and spared from my sin.

Well, I grew up in the church. Daddy being the pastor of a PCA church of Christ, I grew up thinking I had to be a Christian not that (I) had the choice, but its something I would be MADE to be. I’m not sure whether that was God’s sovereign way of saying to me that I was chosen but He had given (me) a freewill. This pressure of feeling of being MADE to be a Christian rather than being CALLED or CHOSEN to be one didn’t come through my parents in the least, but rather the church I had been born into. Although I was only 4-6 years old I still understood this “pressure” and quite frankly fear of man, and lack of knowledge and discernment kept me from asking more questions, about Christianity, and about how that might affect my life. But one day my dad being the sweet and great man of God he is, set me aside in the auditorium after the Sunday Service ( I had been waiting for him ) and asked me if I would like to know Jesus and who he is. I told him I did. And I believe that was the very day I asked Jesus into my life.

But it wasn’t until much later that I would live out what I believe and take it as my own. I relied on my parents beliefs for years, partially because I was afraid to live it out on my own, and also because I wasn’t quite sure how to.

I had always grown up as a “good girl” one who was always described as sincere, passionate, but had a will of her own. Well… God’s will always ended up getting in the way of my plans ( like their my plans to begin with ), and soon enough I came to find that I had been harboring bitterness in my heart towards the things of the Lord. For some strange reason this scared me. I know God has instilled in us some sort of understanding of morality, but this struck home with me. Maybe this is why I had not seen the fruit of Salvation? I believed truly believed that I was my own Savior.

Growing up in a house full of boys my life was ALWAYS surrounded by guys. God could have not graciously spared me from the awkward teen years and I could have easily been in a state of rebellion towards him in that area (i.e. relationships) had he not made me a tomboy. Being not interested in boys was such a gift, bc as I grew I was able to keep my friendships b/w guys the same without them thinking I was interested in them or had an ulterior motive. Now obviously I'm not the girl I once was, I appreciate Biblical Femininity and all that it has to offer me. My mom was a key instrument used by God to help instill these desires of Feminine things into my soul, I am SO grateful for her perseverance. I fear it was no easy task.

I moved from school to school all private until about 6th grade when we moved from Florida to Maryland (in MD I was home schooled). It was here (Maryland) that I started taking the first steps of my “baby faith”. God surrounded me by not only good friends that constantly provoked me to live out the Gospel, and to give Christ my all in all, but surrounded me by my family and gave me a new appreciation for their friendship in my life each in different, specific ways. My mom and my relationship has never been the best, partially because we are SO much alike in our sin patterns that its sometimes can be discouraging to be around each other, bc we see the same pattern of sin in our own lives. But being kind of “stuck" together on a farm in the middle of nowhere made us both deal with these issues at hand, and in the end brought us closer together. It became a Joy for me to serve my family, and a privilege to lay my life down, or so I thought…

Moving From Maryland to Georgia was a huge step for me. To lay down everything I own all of (what I thought were) my future plans… and go plant a church in the middle of nowhere… My pride wanted me to come here and self-righteously judge all those who live here. But a good friend of mine Charissa Gailbraith once said something to me that has always stuck to my heart. “Courtney, God is calling you to be His servant. He wants to use you for the building of His kingdom! How glorious is that!” I was instantaneously convicted… it struck home…. I didn’t find it glorious to build his kingdom in Georgia I wanted something greater, sadly I believed I deserved something greater…. See I still believed I was my own God... and that I deserved more than God's best...

Since living here my heart towards this place and towards these people have drastically changed. I came thinking this was a God forsaken place where everyone said they were a Christian and nobody lived a life that would prove it, that Churches we're a place to show up and show off, and that no-one was in the least formally educated. haha Yeah you can def. see where my heart was... Can you say "Proud"? Over time God challenged my views and softened my heart towards these people that I had been So judgmental towards, so self-Righteous towards. And now I can not think of living anywhere else. These people that surround me are my home, they are my source of joy, I am INCOMPLETE without them. They are so much apart of me that I fear should I leave I would be so much less, and be lacking in so many areas I'd fear I'd know what to do with myself. They have been instruments of Grace used to chip away bitterness and self-sufficiency in my own life and for that, I'm eternally grateful.

Now I'm not perfect and living here by-no-means has made me this way. I still sin and I still struggle... oh man... ALOT.. but God remains faithful to not let me stay in the same place, he is constantly challenging me and my walk of faith and changing my often times hard heart. His Grace is more than enough for my sin. Some recent struggles I've been facing is believing that my Salvation is simple and less glorious than those who have been saved from horrific pasts. I can be deceived to think that they can be more passionate knowing they were saved from so much and they have specific ready examples in which they can look back on and say "LOOK, I'M SPARED EVERY DAY FROM THIS!!!" Whereas I can't really look back and say that. Now mind you its not that I'm grateful that he's saved me from years of upright rebellion against him, but in some ways I'm saddened to think that I can see my salvation and be less grateful than most. (does this make sense?) I know that I'm not remembering the power and character of God in those moments... and I'm lacking in understanding his grace... I long to have these thoughts wiped clean from my mind.

Another struggle I recently have faced is Learning how to discern. Discern in relationships b/w guys and girls, discernment in my speech, discernment in my knowledge and understanding of the world. I want to live a life of humble orthodoxy, and I know that God is readying me so that I might take that next step. I have a desire and I have had the teaching now its time to put my discernment into effect, throwing away all my laziness aside. I am physced about discerning in future days!

As a close I'd like to post something My friend David Wesolowski once said to me about himself, which I believe applies in every way to me:

" I understand very well I am naturally flawed and completely lost without Him. Yet, I sometimes think I am super-Dave and have a supernatural ability to excel in life without Him. That is usually when He gets my attention and I, yet again, realize I am just a wave tossed in the sea. A speck of sand on a beach…..yet beautiful in His eyes......sometimes it is just so hard to even comprehend the mercy God has shown to me. "

Its been far too long friends.

2007-10-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

So yes sadly I have not had the time I used to, in order to blog whats happening in my life. I hope to get back in the swing of things by posting every month or so, I miss this part of my life.

Some future topics I hope to discuss will be:

The Clash, What I learned from each session and how they are now affecting my life in a day by day setting.
Ravi Zacarias and what I learned from his discussion on Heaven, Hell & Middle Ground.
My Life Testimony.
What we are delving into as a church body in the Letter of Ephesians, and how specifically I see this sermon studies changing my heart and the heart of our church body.
And Finally, Quite times, Monday Night Bible Study, Open Discussions, and Caregroup Conversations.

Wow this is alot to hope to write out in this next few months or so! Pray for grace, and lots of time! :) Hope you all are doing amazingly well and enjoying the sweet & gentle grace of our Savior Jesus Christ!

Lets get started! Shall we?....

Frying Orange Chicken is dangerous

2007-04-05T06:34:00.000-07:00

Taylor Battaglia ( ok... and Johnmark ) invited what was left of the Cooke Family ( Me, Dad, Christopher, 'n Caleb [since mom, Emma, 'n Noah are in St. Augustine for their Spring break]) over for dinner last night. Taylor kindly let me help cook dinner with her. So we ran to Kroger picked out what was needed for this particular recipe she was making, and came home like crazy mad women and made the marinade for the chicken thighs. After waiting 30 min. we dipped the thighs into egg whites and then into some cornstarch/flour/salt combination and deep fried them in Peanut oil.

We completely burnt the crap out of ourselves.

Apparently the Peanut oil was... well... lets just say it was hot, really hot. Now both of us have little red scares pretty much everywhere, considering we basically threw the chicken thighs into the oil and both of us were wearing shorts... with flip flops, yeah... bad combination.

We screamed, made a HUGE mess, no seriously we did... burnt things, overcooked the broccolii like ALOT... and laughed till our sides hurt. It was a grand adventure, and hey the dinner was fabulous! Men ate all of the chicken, when Taylor and I were thinking, Holy cow this is wayyy too much chicken. God is good even in the little things like cooking Orange Chicken for dinner, HAH! thats too cool.

Trip was wonderful

2007-03-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

Our 7 hour trip down to St. Augustine was so crazy we stopped like 6 times to use the restroom... no seriously we did.. We stopped at Walmart to buy random crazy food, like cheeze-its all natural smoothies, york peppermints ( the big round ones ), Rice cakes, orange gatoraid, and bananas. And we didn't arrive there until close to 11:30pm. When we arrived my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin Katie welcomed us with warm hospitality. We had a tea party up in our guest room ( yummy red tea ) and talked till we all fell asleep. It was marvelous.

On the First day ( Monday ) we woke up and went to explore the beautiful historic Island. We drove over the bridge of lions and parked at the "Ripley's Believe it or not Museum" we thought about going in... but decided not too, although we did have fun going through the little house that was carved completely out of a tree stump, it was pretty cool... I guess. We walked down the pier and through the little shops and town, stopping here and there just because we could. And met Katie for Tea ( she wasn't with us for most of the day, bc she had lab work to do ). This cute little tea shop had the most amazing selection of tea I have ever seen. We came home only after another long walk ( like 3 hours ) sitting on the wall at the fort and walking over the bridge of lions. Aunt Kelli made us tacos, yes they were yummy.

Our Secound day there we woke up super early and went to the beach, Katie couldn't come bc she had some lab work to do... so we hit the beach @ around 7:30 it was so beautiful absolutely no one was out yet and we walked about enjoying the general splendor of God's creation that surrounded us. We had breakfast at the beachcomber ( which was located [ for our convienance of course ] right on the beach ). The day was spent flinging frisbees ( and for Bethany [Jelly Fish], taking long walks, laughing, trying to swim in the FREEZING ocean, racing, reading, and enjoying each others company.

Marveling in my Maker

2007-03-09T10:59:00.000-08:00

I want to travel to all these wonderfully beautiful places

Just to lie in the grass, surrounded by nothing but the wind

To taste of the goodness of God; the Magnificance of Him.

To feel the warmth of His LOVE; that is ever present

To hear the gentle sounds of His voice; continuously beckoning me to come afresh into His Grace

To stand and know, truely know, that He is God.

The Maker of a most beautiful earth. I can only imagine what heaven will be like.

St. Augustine it is

2007-03-08T09:11:00.000-08:00

So... stress is finally relieved. My Aunt emailed me last night to tell me that it would be awesome to have all 3 or 4 of us and not to worry about meals... cuz she wants to help out with them.... speaking of awesome.... she's pretty amazing.

o gee! I feel like a little kid, going to a candy shop and not knowing what to do first...

St. Simons vs. St. Augustine

2007-03-07T16:42:00.000-08:00

Concequently I have to choose between two of the most historical places in the southerness of GEORGIA.... or whatever.... and you have no idea, its not easy.

I'm completely paranoid and I need to take a chill pill and just relax about this whole thing... afterall how many times are you given the opportunity to go on a road trip with three amazingly wonderful , and not to mention Beautiful young ladies who just happen to be your best friends.

The main thing is if we can find a FREE or very inexspensive place to stay... that will make our descision SOO much easier and less stressful. See our plans where somewhat changed, because one of us just had a brain blurp or something, and so we can't actually stay where we had planned to for Free.... so you see the delima. We all don't have LOADS of money or anything and right now I'm panicked that we won't be able to find a hotel room less than like 160 a night... like no kidding I just checked the rates on the the 2 star hotels in the areas on St. Simons the cheepest was like 140 a night and only had one bed... sounds pretty crummy to me.

Hopefully everything will all work itself out, but as for right now I'm pretty stressed. Pray for me.

Do you remember?

2007-03-02T08:18:00.000-08:00

I was looking through my old photo library on my computer and dug up these. Time flies by so fast, it was only yesterday that we were sitting here taking this photo for my dad, as he was about to fly off to India...

Aw do you remember when Noah was this little? I bet Taylor would say she would. Girls I know he's a heart taker and breaker...

Remember, when Caleb told us he didn't know how to smile... Or when I always slicked my hair back with water to keep me from looking like a girl? Gee... I always wanted to be a boy... thank God, that He would deliver me from my "tom-boy" stage!

Well... then theres Christopher and we're still praying for him... ahah

Emma well... she wasn't alive yet

You might say we were at least relatively cute back then... or maybe not

But one things for Sure, we def. enjoy each other... and when one goes away, sadly all of us suffer without them. We complete each other.

But Slowly we have all grown up... and time seems to make us all a little more "maturer"( hehe ) than we used to be...

Crossway Fellowship

2007-02-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

I have the most amazing privilege to work for this Church, to be a member of this church. I can not thank God enough for placing me and my family here, truthfully there are just not words. This is not merely a "body of Believers" this is a "family of Believers", and to be away for even just one Sunday morning Celebration tears at my heart. This place is my home, they hold so much of my love and my heart. I Encourage any of you who are not currently attending a church to come visit mine, theres no other place I'd rather be on a Sunday morning than here.

We have a pretty nifty website too. Check it out sometime: http://crosswayathens.org/

Carry Me

2007-02-20T11:23:00.000-08:00

In the deepest place of my thoughts today, I find myself Frequently having to instill correction. I fight the temptation to believe that I can live this life by way of my own strength, oh! I am so blind, so wickedly deceived to believe these lies that the Devil puts before my path.It were that I could not even see a tree two feet in front of me, because of the mist that blinds me from it. It hides the true living beauty of the tree and masks it with a cold untouchable substance.

Much like my own blindness from the truth because of my own flesh and sin have put blinders on my eyes, keeping me from seeing the Truth that I am not Able to stand on my own two feet. I need a SAVIOR to carry me.

I NEED TO REMEMBER I AM NOTHING WITHOUT THE AMAZING SAVING GRACE OF THE GOSPEL

Here's a song I have just completed writing that I believe speaks of my heart on this matter:

Broken

Verse 1:

I want to be yours and yours only
To lay my life down before the one who laid His own
To die to self and live for no one else but you
For the Lamb who was slain, Humble Lamb who was slain

Chorus:

Break my hard heart and make it yours
Take my blindness and lead me with your voice
Take these weakened hands to Glorify the great I AM in praise
And as they are lifted High, Be Magnified

Verse 2:

I want to be the one who screams from the Highest Heights
Withholding no joy so that all might see
That God has used my mistakes for His Good
To bring me to my hands and knees

Chorus:

Break my hard heart and make it yours
Take my blindness and lead me with your voice
Take these weakened hands to Glorify the great I AM in praise
And as they are lifted High, Be Magnified

Verse 3:

I want to be the one who waits for that very day
As skies will part, the Mighty King to lead the way
On white steed He rides to carry home his precious bride
Saying Children enter in my grace

But till then I'll say

Chorus:

Break my hard heart and make it yours
Take my blindness and lead me with your voice
Take these weakened hands to Glorify the great I AM in praise
And as they are lifted High, Be Magnified

Awestruck by Beauty

2007-02-13T19:36:00.000-08:00

I am overcome with such sweet love for babies and children without homes, adopted Children from all over the world. The joy they bring to life, even in the midst of the most terrible conditions, I am awe struck by their determination to fight for life. I want to adopt them all and keep them forever to myself. The warmth of their smiles.
The sadness of their tears.
The Joy their laughter brings.
They are all such beautiful gifts from God. Precious.

My Prayer is one day to be able to do this for a little boy or little girl.

You are a Gift.

You are Beautiful.

Girls day out

2007-02-09T12:19:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures for the girls "day out". I can't remember a time I've had this much fun... crazy girls.

Katie really set the stage for this one with her "WELCOME YA'LL".. This is supposed to be a revolt... common' Katie! GEE... :) and I'm about to thrown a brick... dude and I have superb aim look at the finger pointed... its aimed right for you.

We decided to go with a "brick wall" affect with this photo.. uh yah, cuz we cool like that.
Tara blowing kisses to Krista.. whose taking the photo.

Yah I know... looks like a cd cover.... well not exactly what we were going for... but it'll do, good job Becca.

Becca and I... having too much fun with the lamp post

Dramatic... looking aloof... off into the distance where our future hope awaits us...

Brief Beatles pose... cuz cars where impatient to wait for us while we were trying to be creative.

*Blowing KISSES*

- Rusty Painting thingy... I thought it'd be pretty nifty to climb it and all... but I was Told I'd probably fall and die. So I changed my mind...-

TARA you most def. were squishing my face in this pic... haha I like it

Whahahahaha KATIE you are a nut case

common... we like windows

uh, yah it was windy

we so gansta, Katie's belt completes this pic :] actually it really wasn't a belt but Krista's scarf, way to be creative.

I saved the best for last...

Desperately Desiring Righteousness

2007-02-08T13:08:00.003-08:00

“If only we knew something of the glory and the wonder of this new life of righteousness, we should desire nothing else. Therefore let us look at the Lord Jesus Christ. That is how life should be lived, that is what we should be like. If only we really saw it. Look at the lives of His followers. Wouldn’t you really like to live like those men, wouldn’t you like to die like them? Is there any other life that is in any way comparable to it – holy, clean, pure, with the fruit of the spirit manifesting itself as ‘love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,, meekness, temperance.’ What a life, what a character. That is a man worthy of the name of man; that is life as it should be.”
-D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Challenge Everything

2007-02-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

DO you find when Things like missions trips, Campus min. outreaches, Sunday morning celebrations.... come about you have SO much faith for God to work? But when it comes to involve you, maybe your faith is tested? Maybe you begin to doubt your own capabilities, your own strengths, creativity. Maybe you don't feel "called" or "adequate" or as "important" as those evangelists/missionaries you see sharing the Gospel day after day on the street corners downtown. Maybe you are being held back because you have come to the conclusion that you don't know God as well as you thought, you don't know His word, you don't understand his truth.

BE ENCOURAGED Friend! We in our weakness are not going to have all the answers to God's word! We will fall short of the Glory of God, simply because of our own sin. When we are challenged by a question we might not know the answer to, its OK. It is far better to humble oneself in the knowing that we don't "know everything" than to boast in the falsity of our own knowledge. Your humility will draw those who Christ is calling through the Spirit's work of humility in you, to Himself. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS IN AND OF YOURSELF!!! By God's own grace and by His awesome timing he uses us for HIS glory. Don't be deceived its not for your glory, or my glory, its HIS glory, and HIS glory alone.

You will find that with Christ you have everything, He fills all those inadequacies. Get to know him, and you'll find that he's the source of everything you hold dear.

Dwell upon the Eternal

2007-02-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

At this time and place in my life, I can be so easily distracted, so "ADD"... grr... I'm so aware that I need to drop everything I'm in the midst of, everything I hope for and surrender it to Christ.
I'm at that weird stage where... once an adolescent... now adult. So I am constantly surrounded by worldly confusion that clouds my vision from seeing the bigger picture, and I get stuck in a "me" state, and truthfully its hard to get out of.
For example: My heart's desire would be to be a wife, a mom, but its not the time. So When these things come up and draw my attention from BIG to small I need to dwell upon this:
Pursuing God whole-heartedly, rather than pursuing a Relationship. Being intentional and Purposeful with time spent with family & friends. Keeping God at the center of all my conversations, being purposeful with service, with my quite time, accountability, Fellowship. I need to remember that Satisfaction is and can not be found in marriage in and of itself. It can only, only be found in Christ, and in Him alone. Pursue God; find peace. Pursue God; find infinite joy. Pursue God; find a patience to wait for HIS will to come about.

It is my joy to wait, and an absolute gift to pursue God.

" Lord, please grant me the grace to awaken with a desire to pursue you with all that I am, and with a recognition that I lack SO very much. I don't want to come to you to get something in return. I want to come expecting to receive nothing. I want to come on my hands & knees."

Lost in Wonder

2007-02-05T17:35:00.000-08:00

In the midst of trials and pain I want to completely be captivated by Love. I want to know someone cares, and someone is listening, I want to know that someone is right here with me.
If you take a moment and think about where Love was first defined, your thoughts should lead you towards the Cross. This is where Love is TRUELY DEFINED: By the blood of a man who was both fully man and fully divine, being sent by his father, the maker of all things, to die for the sins of the world, to make us all PURE & Righteous before God so that we now can dwell in light of eternity through believing in Christ's life, Death & ressurection.
WE ARE NOT SAVED THROUGH OUR OWN WORKS.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of GOD."
AND GOD UPON JUDGEMENT DAY WILL JUDGE BY HIS OWN ACCORD.
"He who has the son has life and he who does not have the Son of God does not have life." - 1 John 5:12